OK are we all seated comfortably?
Ahem, Jenkins! whatever your eating I hope you brought enough for everybody & Carruthers will you please stop interfering with Johnson, you know he doesn't like it.
Will you all please settle down, this is supposed to be a lecture.
[Irritated tapping of foot]
OK are we all ready?
Good.
We'll begin then..
First we crack the patients skull open, as you can see I did that earlier to save time.
Then splice in the portions of the brain associated with memory previously harvested from the donor..
Oh & before I forget, there's a service for Williams at seven, open casket.
[Picks up a tray & places it on the table]
Here's one I prepared earlier.
[Waves pointer stick & indicates various parts of the sample]
So, that's the hippocampus, neocortex, frontal cortex, temporal cortex, basal ganglia & cerebellum, so most of it, don't think we need the parietal & occipital lobes though.
"Here fido"
[Tosses a couple of obscure lumps of meat to a dog under the lectern]
First we slightly roughen the two surfaces we're going to be splicing together by lightly scraping them & smear a little pixie dust on them then we stitch them together with dissolvable collagen stitches, or you could just use clean boiled catgut.
We also need to splice in & divert some blood supply of course, as you can see we have a selection of pre-cleaned blood vessels with the cells stripped out in a selection of gauges for that on the other table, harvested from our swine herd this morning..
Yes jones that does mean the kitchens are doing pork tonight.
No I don't care that it doesn't agree with you.
Will you just shut up & let me got on with this before our volunteer bleeds out?
Thankyou.
[Some time later]
Well, now that's done it's just a matter of putting the skull back together.
Obviously it doesn't fit anymore which is why we have some freshly cleaned & boiled sections of skull taken from the same pigs we got the arteries from & some similarly prepared bone dowels to pin them together with.
Could someone pass me the carpentry tools under Caruthers chair?
[Sawing & hammering noises]
OK we're just about done..
Now some of you may have been wondering why Wilkins has been wandering around with a balloon inserted under the skin on top of his head for the past month & why we kept blowing it up a bit more.
Well that was to stretch the skin so it would fit over his somewhat expanded skull.
See, almost a perfect fit..
We sew the edges together..
Trim the excess..
And there you have it gentlemen, the procedure is complete.
There'll be a course of stem cell injections & drug treatments over the next few months to encourage new neural connections between the old & new parts of his brain of course but otherwise we're done.-- Skewed, Jul 08 2019 Why You Never Forget Anything https://www.youtube...watch?v=_S-oRFB-qSE [Skewed, Jul 08 2019] Pixie Dust https://www.youtube...watch?v=NEnLK0oJCa8 [Skewed, Jul 08 2019] Psychedelic drugs promote neural plasticity https://www.science...06/180612185207.htm [Skewed, Jul 08 2019] Psychedelic Drugs Repair Broken Neural Networks https://www.science...l-networks-in-brain [Skewed, Jul 08 2019] Drugs to Grow Your Brain https://www.technol...to-grow-your-brain/ [Skewed, Jul 08 2019] Is it possible to use this process to remove the porcine components from certain individuals who have not only the mental capacity but also physical appearance of a retarded warthog ?-- 8th of 7, Jul 08 2019 /Is it possible to use this process to remove the porcine components from// //individuals who have not only the mental capacity but also physical appearance//
So make them disappear entirely you mean?
That's a completely different & far simpler process requiring far less skill & much less specialised equipment, the bacon sandwiches are delicious though.-- Skewed, Jul 08 2019 I wonder how the psyche deals with those discontinuous dreams your not suppose to have.-- wjt, Jul 09 2019 I don't know about you, but I post them here.-- pertinax, Jul 09 2019 random, halfbakery