The Rt. Hon. Member of this Place, [hippo], requested //photorealistic mud splatters, with the right kind of spray patterns from each wheel up the side of the vehicle, and wouldn’t need to be redone every time you wash your car//

Proposed is an empty site, such as are used for temporary car parks.

The site is flooded with lumpy brown paint to the depth of perhaps 1cm.

You first of all pay the £500 fee, and sign the total liability waiver. Then you drive your big shiney Chelsea Tractor or Taliban Truck up to the site. First of all, our eager employees wash and rinse your self-propelling sofa in the usual car-wash style, to make it clean. The rinse is important to totally de-gease and de-wax the surface.

Then, clear plastic films are applied to all the glass (or at least all of the glass that is legally required to be unobstructed in the jurisdiction).

Then one of the employees drives the car fairly fast around the brown-paint covered site, turning, skidding, wheel-spinning and braking hard.

Finally, the now brown-splattered vehicle is parked near the exit to allow the brown paint to harden and cure, perhaps half an hour. Meanwhile the plastic sheets are carefully removed from the glass, and are washed ready for the next use.

Special offer: for an extra £500 you can drive the car yourself around the site.

Extra special offer: For a further £500 per go, you can also drive other customers' cars around the site, taking the place of one of our employees, who will sit in the passenger seat and offer advice about how to get the best coverage. If you wish not to have them in the car with you, that is also possible on payment of a further £500.

Custom offer: Pay £5,000 to specify one of our professional rally stars drive your car around the site. For £1000 extra, have them photographed sitting in your car at the end of the run. £1000 extra to have the photo signed by them. (subject to availability)

Prices for illustrative purposes only, may be more expensive on the day.
-- pocmloc, Sep 19 2021

Drive through artificial MUD Drive_20through_20artificial_20MUD
The next great online gaming experience! [Skewed, Sep 20 2021]

Playschool version of Zimmerite
-- xenzag, Sep 19 2021


Nice! And bonus points for your scheming to gouge every last penny out of the gullible punters
-- hippo, Sep 19 2021


[+]
-- Voice, Sep 19 2021


You forgot about washing the paint off the wheels & tyres.
-- neutrinos_shadow, Sep 20 2021


It comes off naturally as you drive, just like real mud. Unless farmers round there carefully stop to wash their tractor tyres every time they drive out of a field onto a public road?.
-- pocmloc, Sep 20 2021


Well, yes, but also //allow the brown paint to harden and cure//. So a (slow drive-thru) wheel bath before drying would help.
-- neutrinos_shadow, Sep 20 2021


I was thinking the flexing of the tyres and abrasion against the road surface would remove the brown paint in a realistic way.
-- pocmloc, Sep 21 2021


[pocmloc]; that would probably work too.
-- neutrinos_shadow, Sep 21 2021



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