Tired of the neighbor's dog, who is locked outside for the night, keeping you awake? Break out a fresh, plastic spider-like bark-seeking robot. Pull off the foil that covers the big tasty dog treat that is attached to the robot. Turn on the little bugger and release him outside. Spider hears barks, crawls toward barks, finds barker, gives treat to barker, barker stops barking.

Optional features: Treat contains mild sedative, putting the dog to sleep for the night. Or instead of a treat, spider is equipped with a mild shocker, which discourages furthur barking.
-- bquady, May 22 2003

(?) Kelvin MacKenzie, a legend in British newspapering. http://media.guardi...858,4371678,00.html
[my face your, Oct 17 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Bark Stopper http://www.alwaysbr...ic_Bark_Control.htm
[Amos Kito, Oct 17 2004, last modified May 06 2006]

...an *exploding* disposable dog de-barker on the other hand...
-- phoenix, May 22 2003


On the subject of tabloids, The Sun once ran a sory to the effect that Elton John had the voice boxes of his guard dogs removed. It cost The Sun £1m. Link.
-- my face your, May 22 2003


<Worldgineer>Speak, quady</Worldgineer> <bquady>Woof!</bquady> (croissant loaded on 3D and delivered)

Sounds like an elegant, peaceful solution to the unending dog barking problem. But then again you may be encouraging her/him to bark with your automatic rewards.
-- Worldgineer, May 22 2003


Do you have a lot of disposable dogs in your neighborhhod?
-- DrCurry, May 22 2003


You bet! Or, well, one actually.

How about a treat, and THEN a shock? :)
-- bquady, May 22 2003


I've heard that a nice big sponge soaked in bacon grease will do the trick. Unfortunately, the barker will be deceased.
-- X2Entendre, May 22 2003


//Spider hears barks, crawls//
That won't work with my dog. She's trained to bark at approaching robot spiders, and disable them.

//equipped with a mild shocker//
Poisons, drugs, or shocks are not such a hot idea, for several reasons. Instead, if there's an attached "Ultrasonic Bark Stopper", you may have a winner of an invention. The bark stopper trains the dog not to nuisance bark. It's best to use the device sparingly. You'll want to allow him the freedom to alert you to skulking crooks.

//sponge soaked in bacon grease //
X2, the sounds of the poor animal suffering while it dies slowly would just ruin my pool party. I'd rather have him bark.
-- Amos Kito, May 22 2003


//That won't work with my dog. She's trained to bark at approaching robot spiders, and disable them.//
Good idea. I trained my cat to strangle homicidal muto-morphic extra-terrestrials, and disable them.

//sponge soaked in bacon grease //
How does that kill a dog? Choking? But it's safe for humans, right? I kind of have the munchies, and that sounds guuuud.
-- bquady, May 23 2003


Needs more work, but it's a good concept.
-- JimX, Dec 21 2003


I like it!

//Good idea. I trained my cat to strangle homicidal muto-morphic extra-terrestrials, and disable them.//

Wierd, I trained my shape-shifting plasma-blooded poison-toothed 650 mph slime monster to externally digest specially trained guard animals, and disable them.

//sponge soaked in bacon grease//

I'd go outside and bark, for bacon grease! Awesome!
-- TahuNuva, Jan 02 2008


sp. Weird
-- pertinax, Apr 20 2021


Reward the beast for incessant barking? What could go wrong?
-- Voice, Apr 20 2021


I see a small downside in the incapacitation of guard dogs by certain nefarious types. Of course by whom I mean evil kittens and squirrels.
-- RayfordSteele, Apr 20 2021



random, halfbakery