You walk down a dark alley. You slip past a bouncer bulging with muscles. Inside the bar, there are few lightbulbs, but these are obscured by smoke. In the shadows, cigerettes glow. You lean on the bar and put down a bill. The bartender hands you a glass full of unidentified beer. After an hour or so, the fight begins. Only licensed actors well-versed in stage combat participate. You scan the room, spotting the men in suits sitting at a large, round table smoking cigars and speaking of men with names like "Tony 'Two-By-Four' Valencio" and "Joey the Dick." In a corner, a man in a coat exchanges packets for money.

And it's all completely fake. Your own clothes--scuffed leather motorcycle club jacket, beat-up jeans, T-shirt with an obscure logo on it, have all been purchased from the bar's website. Your hair has been artfully mussed using a special hairspray. All utterly fake, all utterly safe. Everyone here is roleplaying, be they cubicle slave, supermarket checker, or medical intern.
-- Eugene, Apr 11 2003

Want a fight? Come on Inn! http://www.halfbake..._20Come_20on_20Inn!
by Jinbish. "Theme bar where fake fights break out." [my face your, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Martial-Arts-Fight-Scene Restaurant http://www.halfbake...-Scene_20Restaurant
By The_Englishman_Abroad. [my face your, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Some unashamed self-publicity http://www.halfbake...0And_20A_20McGuffin
Where you go to sober up afterwards [Guy Fox, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

And the daddy of them all, I'd say http://www.halfbake.../Film_20Noir_20Home
Hell, we could have a whole Hollyworld here [Guy Fox, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Drive there in one of these... http://www.halfbake...aux_20Muscle_20Cars
[krelnik, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

All completely fake, huh? Utterly safe?

I don't suppose I could put on on one of those slinky noirish "Bad Girl Trying to Get Shady Detective to Do Her Bidding" dresses, sidle up to some bad-news character in the bar, and ask him to whack a certain high-profile government official for me, could I?

Heck, Eugene. Pour me a tall one. I'm in.
-- 1percent, Apr 11 2003


you got it! This could extend somewhat outside, make it a sort of SCA thing....only film noir society. But the real focus would be in the bar, I think. I love the "shady bar" setting.
-- Eugene, Apr 11 2003


Okay, here's how it's gonna go. I'll be wearing a red dress; you make sure Johnny Bones wears a wifebeater, and tell him if I see a copy of the Patriot Act sticking out of his jeans pocket, the deal's off.

A fake fight next to the broken jukebox would provide perfect cover. Can't really fake the smoke, though.

Speaking of smoke: I hope the Scotch, at least, is real ...
-- 1percent, Apr 11 2003


Of course. It's all real, to that extent. But you're not going to get beat up simply because you're a wannabe. This is the place for wannabes. Though if you get drunk and disorderly, you'll be handled. Those stage combat actors are also bouncers.
-- Eugene, Apr 11 2003


Breakaway chairs & bottles made of sugar?
-- snarfyguy, Apr 11 2003


definitely.
-- Eugene, Apr 11 2003


Polystyrene replica of a Louisville Slugger?
-- angel, Apr 12 2003


Of course, you also want actors to come in every so often with a battered photograph of some pretty young girl on a farmstead, saying "You know this girl? Ever seen her around here." Which would also be good cue for a fight to break out.

Yeah, book me a booth at the back.

<<slaps a croissant down on the bar, picks up a bottle and a glass, and pours an overflowing shot for his elf>>
-- Guy Fox, Apr 12 2003


How would you keep the real dirtbags out? We're everywhere you know.
-- half, Apr 12 2003


This would wind up as a place for real shady business to go down, under the guise of fake shady business. Great place to sell drugs I'd imagine. I like.
-- notme, Apr 12 2003


A good place to sell fake drugs, like cake.
-- my face your, Apr 12 2003


I'd think the dress code alone would keep the "real" bad guys out. I've met some bad characters in Armani suits, but I have yet to meet a single bad guy in a studded leather jacket and tattoos.

Someone will have to explain this to me, one day. It's my current (uninformed) opinion that the very freedom to dress like a dirtbag helps put the wearer of said dirtbag gear in such a good frame of mind that he's actually very pleasant company. By the same token, if I had to tie a knot around my throat every morning, I think I'd be inclined to kick somebody's ass every once in a while.

Of course, apply my logic to Eugene's idea and the "real", Armani-wearing bad guys would be clamoring to get into the DBFW ... probably itching for the chance to deliver the ass-kicking of the day at close quarters, rather than from the relative safety of their bad-guy offices.

Bad-guy authenticity issues aside, I still like it. I'd love to see the business plan. Have your people call my people, Eugene ...

[Turns on heel, walks back into her bad-girl office]
-- 1percent, Apr 12 2003



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