Struggling with something today, I wanted to convey my general misery as I couldn't make the progress I wanted. Then finally, I cracked it and I had an urge to let the world know that all was well.

I propose a desktop smoke making machine that lets out white or black smoke in accordance with how things are going. USB controlled of course, with optional peals of bells. Cunningly shaped like the oven within the Sistine Chapel with authentic, fireproof chimney, who could possibly doubt the importance of what you are doing?

Useful too perhaps at the end of meetings. All attendees must decide whether the meeting's objectives have been achieved to justify the white smoke. A great mind-focussing tool; excessive black-smoke-meetings equals a lock-in and starvation until we get the result we crave.
-- DenholmRicshaw, Feb 05 2007

Smoke grenades http://www.smokemac...moke-grenades.shtml
Tempting [DenholmRicshaw, Feb 08 2007]

You could also use this to mask the passing-of-gas smells in your workspace.
-- proee, Feb 05 2007


Don't forget to disconnect the smoke alarms. [+]
-- pertinax, Feb 06 2007


//A great mind-focussing tool; excessive black-smoke-meetings equals a lock-in and starvation until we get the result we crave.//

I think suffocation would be more of an issue first- thus it also builds in a deadline for the meeting's conclusion; somewhat literally.
-- The Acrimonious Obfuscator, Feb 06 2007


I like it.
-- DrBob, Feb 06 2007


Brilliant title! Two words that, hitherto, no one had realised were meant to be together but now we see them coupled, we wonder how we got along without the pairing.
-- calum, Feb 06 2007


what [calum] said +
-- xandram, Feb 06 2007


I was toying with "Desktop open-top bus round Trafalgar Square" but it wasn't as snappy.
-- DenholmRicshaw, Feb 06 2007


I think these should be fitted to public bathroms
-- marklar, Feb 07 2007


When it's time to stop work and have a nice cup of tea a tiny Pope should come out onto the balcony and announce it to the cheering crowds below.
-- hippo, Feb 07 2007


The blue smoke doesn't suffice?
-- RayfordSteele, Feb 07 2007


[...tiny Pope...]

Perhaps a Pico-Pope?

I do like a bit of alliteration.
-- DenholmRicshaw, Feb 07 2007


Most meetings that I have attended generate a large quantity of handouts, which, after the meeting, are no longer of any use. Rather than recycle, burn them in the meeting room Vatican along with an additive that colors the smoke as needed.
-- James Newton, Feb 08 2007


[James Newton] I'm a bit worried - crackingly superb annotation but we're going to have to make it environmentally friendly otherwise we're doomed.
-- DenholmRicshaw, Feb 08 2007


It would be very surprising if the range of chemicals produced by burning surplus office paper were much different from those produced by burning tobacco leaves (alkaloids aside). And everyone knows that it is dangerous even to *look* at tobacco smoke with both eyes. I can see little puffs of steam working for the white smoke. Not sure how to solve the black-smoke problem, though.

If you can solve this, I will place my order. Especially with the teatime papal announcer option.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 08 2007


Inspired by MB's challenge, I found a supplier of smoke bombs (see link). £43 for 6 outdoor smoke grenades plus p&p. The technology seems to exist...now to adapt it...
-- DenholmRicshaw, Feb 08 2007


A sanctified bun for you. The black smoke shall be generated by the destruction of bad ideas.

I had an idea to add a mini-Auschwitz for incorrigible officemates, but that's too crass even for the HB.

What - or who - do you burn for the white smoke? Or do you just run the Vaticette on a rich mix for a while?
-- elhigh, Feb 09 2007


I think I like this more so than I should?

(Perhaps I am just an old sentimental fool when it comes to workplace entertainment. )
-- blissmiss, Feb 09 2007


I live in tobacco country come Oct. when they burn the rest of last years that exceeded their license man theirs no good way to decried a tone of burning tobacco outer then close the windows.
-- dev45, Feb 09 2007


Too often, we struggle without help and succeed without recognition. Maybe a bit of smoke, before it sets the alarms off, would make us feel more valuable.
-- DenholmRicshaw, Feb 09 2007


Lumburg: Peter... (Black smoke begins to trickle out of chimney.)

Mmmmmmm... yeah... (Black smoke now steadily pouring out.)

I'm gonna need to... go ahead and ask you to come in tommorrow, (Smoke now shooting out in full force)

And Sunday too... (Smoke now fills office)

We had to let a few people go and we gotta play "catch-up"... (Visibility at zero now)

Mmmmmm K?... Peter? Where'd you go?? (Peter escapes matrix style and goes fishing with Laurence for the weekend)
-- Pac-man, Feb 10 2007


Time to fire up the chimneys
-- DenholmRicshaw, Feb 11 2013


They need a more environmentally-correct version. Perhaps a series of colored LEDs...
-- RayfordSteele, Feb 11 2013



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