Golf must be one of most ponderously tiresome games on the planet for its spectators. All that waiting around for people to take their shots, especially on the putting green, but this comes to an end with the introduction of De- Fustered Golf.

This variation has two simple features that speed up the game by a significant factor.

The first of these is called: "The Time Limiting, Small Trembling Hand, Golf Tee."

This is a tee in the form of a tiny arm, terminating in a small, cupped hand into which is placed the golf ball. As soon as the tee is sunk into the ground and the ball placed on it, the player only has a few seconds of time in which to strike the ball. This is because the tee has a little engine inside, along with a timer, which causes the hand to twitch and shake, and drop the ball, if you take too long. The player then loses that shot and has to tee off from a ground position, placing them at a considerable disadvantage against a speedier opponent.

The second device is called: "The Fidgeting Ball That Penalises Prolonged Deliberation."

This is contained inside the actual golf ball, and is activated only within the confines of the putting green surrounding each hole. Once the ball lands here, there is a set amount of time before radio signals switch on the fidgeting mechanism, causing the ball to begin twitching, making an accurate shot very difficult. Each time a ball is struck, a decreasing amount of time is automatically allocated and set before it starts twitching again.

With these two devices deployed, players will now rapidly tee off and positively race towards each hole, eager to swiftly take their putts in order to avoid the dreaded twitching ball.
-- xenzag, Oct 02 2006

XTreme Golf http://www.extremegolf.com/
Run, golfer, run! [imaginality, Oct 02 2006]

Never-Lost Golf Ball Never-Lost_20Golf_20Ball
Could be combined with the ball from this idea to make it doubly annoying. [shapu, Oct 06 2006]

I like the intention behind this idea, and not just for the spectators' benefit. I'd play golf more often if it didn't take four hours to play. 'XTreme golf' is another means towards the same end (the number of minutes you take to complete your round is added to your score for the round!) but your wobbly balls are better HB material. [+]
-- imaginality, Oct 02 2006


How about a tee with a built in timer? If you don't hit the ball in the allotted time, a hole opens up and swallows it. I like the fidgeting ball though, it could add an exciting element of randomness to the game. It might even give other players a chance against Tiger Woods
-- esperance, Oct 05 2006


Gotta bone this. You not only have an idea, but a suggestion to fundamentally change the rules of golf.
-- Noexit, Oct 05 2006


well - I'll take that bone as a compliment, since I regard golf as being a totally amoebic activity, and have numerous ideas on how to make it even more ridiculous, if that's possible to imagine. Nothing needs to be taken as seriously, as golf clearly is.

(from amoeba, the single celled animal that is devoid of a brain)
-- xenzag, Oct 05 2006


Problem with the ball: What if you lose it?

Solution for problem: shameless self-promotion (see link)
-- shapu, Oct 06 2006


I hate to pee on the parade here but wouldn't a "shot-clock" be simpler? The NBA had to implement this rule after people were getting tired of the center and point guard playing volleyball on opposite sides of the 3 point line.

The clock will start as soon as the player is standing within 3 feet of the ball. That way he can get 22 seconds to aim, line up the club and/or study the putt. 22 seconds is a good time because it will put excess pressure on the player. He will get penalized for the first 3 to 4 times because he will think 25 or 30 seconds in the back of his mind. Likewise he will be forced to shoot sooner because he does not want to get fooled by that 22 seconds again.
-- Jscotty, Oct 07 2006


how very sensible [Jscotty]
-- xenzag, Oct 07 2006


[Jscotty]: What is this 'simpler' to which you refer? I don't like the sound of it...

[UB]: Indeed. Such as the final hole played by Paul McGinley (Ireland & Europe, plaing at his home club) vs JJ Henry (USA) during this years Ryder Cup. 18th hole, Henry needing 15ft putt to halve hole. With Europe securing the winning margin an idiot streaker runs on, ruining everyones concentration. McGinley does the honouarble thing and immeidately agrees to 'gimme' Henry's shot.
-- Jinbish, Oct 07 2006


I've said it before and I'll say it again. All golf is evil. On principles I'd have to give this an immediate bone but as it seems to be an attempt to shorten all the faffing and general tedious wankathon character of the average golf competition so we can all watch the Simpsons again, I'll bun you.
-- squeak, Oct 09 2006


Hey, I resent thaOh look a birdy!
-- shapu, Oct 10 2006



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