I hate speed bumps. Even a normal speeds, they always make me spill whatever I am drinking...
I would like to propose the following solution; a custard-filled, speed-sensitive speed bump. This bump would allow safe passage to all law-abiding vehicles. However, when a fast moving vehicle hits the bump, the magical properties of custard spring into life.
Custard contains finely ground cornflour and is a 'dilatant' mixture, changing from liquid to solid when pressure is applied. Thus, a benign, rather flaccid bump encountered at low speeds becomes an unforgiving, hardened lump when hit at speed. For blatant speeding > 70MPH, the hump would burst showering the offending vehicle with incriminating custard.
Military installations, could take a different tack, filling their bumps with custard powder. This takes advantage of custard's, better known, explosive properties...-- riposte, Mar 27 2001 (?) Driving by Braille http://www.halfbake...ving_20By_20BrailleMaybe this presents another use for dilatant sleeping policemen? [Aristotle, Mar 27 2001, last modified Oct 17 2004] Ooblick http://www.catb.org...html/O/ooblick.htmlPerhaps redundant ... but from the Jargon File, more references to a fun, hackerrific, non-Newtonian compound. [cswiii, Mar 27 2001, last modified Oct 17 2004] Pneumatic speed bumps on test. http://www.st3f.com...kery/speedbumps.jpgDon't they ever listen. We said, "Custard." C-U-S-T-A-R-D. [st3f, Mar 27 2001, last modified Jul 05 2015] (?) ? - For votes, + Against votes ? http://omor.com/b/archives/00000071.htmlFor is aligned with number of AGAINST votes; Against is aligned with number of FOR votes. [dc2000, Jan 08 2002, last modified Oct 17 2004] How to shatter silly putty http://sillyputty.c.../science_bounce.htmNot the original research, but a corrobrative statement. Sorry best I couold do in the time available. [egbert, Oct 11 2002, last modified Oct 17 2004] The Custard filled speed bumps are being discussed on another web site http://web.media.mi...m/ass1/observe.htmlSo it's only fair that their discussion should be re-discussed here... [DesertFox, Oct 17 2004] wagsters linkl http://www.glalibde...rg.uk/news/135.html [engineer1, Oct 17 2004] Custard Category http://www.halfbake.../Custard_20CategoryWe want custard! We want custard! [DesertFox, Oct 17 2004] here's what happens when you drop a 50 pound glob of dilatant compound from six stories up http://csc2.sunbelt-software.com/putty/silly putty to the extreme! [mihali, Dec 31 2005] 'Smart speedbumps' for mexico http://www.autoblog...ease-safety-decrea/They collapse if you're under the speed limit, no word on whether they're custard-powered or not though [mitxela, Oct 16 2009] Bullet Proof Custard http://www.telegrap...-proof-custard.htmlPretty much the same principle. [Jinbish, Jul 11 2010] Gravity Marshalling Yard - from Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia..._yard#Gravity_yardsA yard where gravity is marshalled [nineteenthly, Jul 11 2010] Custard can be deadly http://spacetrawler...5/10/spacetrawler3/ [normzone, May 11 2011] Speed bumps that flatten under 30 MPH http://www.yankodes...en-for-slow-speeds/Speed bumps that flatten under 30 MPH [barnzenen, Jan 06 2012] Bright Idea: Filling Potholes with Non-Newtonian Fluids http://blogs.discov...n-newtonian-fluids/Wonders if Crème brûlée would work... [Dub, Apr 13 2012] XKCD - How fast can you hit a speed bump while driving and live? http://what-if.xkcd...&utm_medium=twitter [Dub, Sep 08 2013] Non-Newtonian Speed Bump https://www.youtube...watch?v=2fng6gCjl58Finally baked [AusCan531, Jun 06 2017] Hack a day http://hackaday.com...rs/#comment-3903321 [Dub, Aug 14 2017] https://www.irjet.n...7/IRJET-V8I7784.pdf [hippo, Nov 06 2023] https://www.matfoun..._Liquid_Speed_Bumps [hippo, Nov 06 2023] https://www.busines...7-10?op=1&r=US&IR=T [hippo, Nov 06 2023] Custard road marking could be used as a form of braille for blind drivers.-- Aristotle, Mar 27 2001 This idea was on the radio this morning. I only heard the trailer, not the actual news item, but they suggested that speed bumps containing polymer gel would allow slower cars to pass easily.-- KB2, Mar 27 2001 The recent news about non-lethal weapons offers us another alternative. There have been developments in a "glue gun" that fires a thick substance of approximately custard-esque consistency, to cause the fleeing felon to be glued in place. We fill the speedbumps therewith, let them explode when a "blatant speeder" (as in riposte's original note) strikes them, and thereby not only apprehend them but reduce their speed sharply -- from, say, 70mph to zero in about 14 inches. Resultant damage to the offender could be heard into evidence at the trial.-- Flooglehorn, Mar 28 2001 I think the term you're looking for is 'dilatant', not 'thixotropic'. Thixotropic means that it'll solidify if left still, while dilatant means the required shear force deviates positively from Newtonian behaviour, i.e. shear thickening. Just for the record, 'pseudoplastic' is the opposite of dilatant -- it means shear-thinning.
Wow, I can't believe my wet ceramic processing class has proved marginally useful!-- Wes, Mar 28 2001 Thanks Wes, I have corrected the original text from 'thixotropic' to 'dilatant', though I believe custard is both.-- riposte, Mar 28 2001 Ok, so a custard-filled speed bump sounds promising but the manufacturing process would have to be carefully controlled as any lumps in the custard could have a seriously undesirable effect.
Consider a car where the car is observing the correct speed and safe passage is permitted, would the lumps not give an effect somewhat akin to driving over cobbles?
Perhaps the lumps could be filtered out at deployment time and utilised somewhere else? Any thoughts on possible uses for the custard lump bi-product? An alternative to grit in winter?-- dapkniht, Mar 28 2001 I think you would need synthetic custard engineered to have the right properties. However identifying the appropriate proporties that custard possesses is a good start to a truely half-baked idea.-- Aristotle, Mar 28 2001 I think such development costs could be much reduced by some targeted sponsorship deals - e.g. Bird's Custard powder.
Which brings me to my next topic, speed bump advertising logos. An advert could be written on the traffic-facing surface of a speed bumps and would prove hard to ignore... On a long road a whole sequence of messages could be placed several bumps. Each one would be punctated by a "bump" thus re-inforcing the message.-- riposte, Mar 28 2001 wouldnt that just leave everyone hating and wanting to destroy the companies who placed the adverts-- chud, Mar 28 2001 Personally, if I ever found myself *not* boggling for any length of time, I wouldn't keep coming back. :)
riposte', would you really want to advertise (presumably) foodstuff on such bumps? I mean, if you consider what you're driving over... and then to want to eat it? I imagine the only things you'd want to advertise on the speed bump would be auto shops (for the repairs) and the bump-making company itself. The food adverts would probably work anyway, with as little attention as the suckers pay, but still.-- absterge, Mar 28 2001 Condoms are flexible, and rarely break... [expecting]-- marmite, Mar 28 2001 I suppose you'll be suggesting internet by custard next-- potty, Mar 28 2001 Nice one, waugsqueke! I think I might change my name to Mr Flexihump.-- DrBob, Mar 29 2001 all too true, waugs. But then there is still that little 'Panic PIN' notion...-- absterge, Mar 29 2001 [Current Tally: +25 votes and 1 against]
I am deeply moved... (I suspect the negative vote was cast by either my project manager or my mum...)
However, it looks like the idea is baked (see Flexihump Ltd). I bet their filling is neither as cheap or as tasty, though...-- riposte, Mar 30 2001 Suggesting an idea that is so bizarre that people disbelieve it and then having someone discovering that it is baked is one the of the joys of the HalfBakery.-- Aristotle, Mar 30 2001 True,
My original idea was for a "Speed Bump Memorial"... This was inspired by the alternate name for speed bumps in the UK - "sleeping policeman".
What could be more dignified than to remember a sadly-departed community policeman by embeding him in a concrete (or custard) bump and placing on the road.
The memorial bump would incorporate a low-profile head stone at one end and a brass-plaque (curved) detailing the usual epitaph...
"Here lies, Albert - age 93, giving citizens a rough ride since 1907"-- riposte, Mar 30 2001 In that case you turned a rather macabre idea into a rather inspired one instead. Saying that there does seem to be a need for certain English politicians (on both sides) to be buried under ballrooms to accomodate all the people who want to dance on their graves.-- Aristotle, Mar 30 2001 Of course, if you didn't like the person under the speed bump, you could always reverse over them - just to make sure...
(I wonder if this is worthy of a separate thread?)-- riposte, Mar 30 2001 I have thought of a handy addition to this idea => a 'polaroid' camera speed bump.
The camera would consist of a sealed bags of Palladium, Peroxide and 'boiled rhubarb' in an cast-iron container. When the bump is hit at speed, the ensuing shock releases the solutions, thus mixing the ferrous oxalate and palladium to produce a 'platinotype' photograph.
The 'camera' would be embedded on the near-side of the 'bump' so as to capture the license plate at the moment of impact.
This powerful combination of Rhubarb and Custard would catch many a speeding motorists.-- riposte, Sep 19 2001 Merry Custard and a Hellman's Mayonnaise to all!-- reensure, Jan 01 2002 Put a two-way custard turbine generator in the middle of the speed bump, and when a car going one way crosses, it generates electricity as the custard squishes over to the other side. When a car comes from the other direction, the cycle is complete, ready for another micro custardwatt to be fed into your home-based custard power substation.-- entremanure, Jan 02 2002 How about a piezoelectric material? I understand some snowboards use piezoelectric materials so as to become stiffer under rapid deformation; the same goal would apply here.
On a related note, I've thought for quite awhile that it might be good to make some car body/bumper structures out of such material so as to vary crush-resistance with speed. If the car is in a collision severe enough that the car will be totaled in any event, the optimal outcome is for the front of the car to be crushed just barely to the point that it can't crush anymore. If it doesn't crush all the way, the occupant of the car will have received more severe forces than were necessary; if it does crush all the way, the user will take a major wallop from any kinetic energy that remains. A properly-designed piezoelectric bumper system could alleviate these problems.-- supercat, Jan 09 2002 I love this idea (except for the custard part). Could it be linked to a radar system, where cars traveling too quickly would activate the speed bump (inflate, harden, whatever your process) and eliminate the need for speeding tickets? All roads would be self- adjusting and speed limits could vary according to traffic and time of day.-- uneekware, May 08 2002 Your cannae not love the custard part [uneekware] - its the heart if the idea (literally). The beauty is you wouldn't need all the techie stuff - custard behaves this way anyway if you hit it at speed.-- mcscotland, May 08 2002 In my neck of the woods most of the speed bumps are not built as a continuous obstruction across the whole road, but instead as a series of rectangular raised patches.
I guess this would translate into a row of custard tarts: the idea being that emergency vehicles can straddle (struddle?-) the bumps and not have to slow down.
The problem is that any driver who has more than 2.5 neurons allocated to steering/eye co-ordination, and is driving something bigger than a Smart or a Mini, can easily struddle the bumps too, maybe just crunching slightly over the crusts, as it were.
So although I love the idea, is custard smart enough to defeat the town planners as well as the loonie drivers?-- brainSalad, May 09 2002 but why?-- jocelyn, Sep 01 2002 This is perfect. The Bump should be a container constructed of 3/8" thick nylon reinforced rubber, and shaped like a speed bump. It should be pressurized to 35 PSI with custard, and offer a progressive pressure increase under deflection so that the amount of custard expelled under impact is exponentially dependant on the weight of the vehicle.
A bumper contact paddle positioned in front of the custard bump will push a preloaded donut magazine at the speed of the vehicle while custard pressure is over 38 PSI. A custard outlet hose attached to a reciprocating injection needle will fill donuts as the vehical passes so that donuts are automatically filled, boxed and then slammed through the drivers window with a prepackaged hot coffee for each 6 donuts generated. Closed windows mean no donuts and a huge mess (the penaly for driving a big, donut generating vehicle but not actually eating donuts). The heavier the vehicle, the more donuts are generated. Huge SUV's with lots of large, heavy passengers get the most donuts, plus they get even heavier for their next pass. Economy cars with anorexic people get nothing.
The whole program should be implemented by Dunkin Donuts and paid for by a special donut tax on SUV's. Police cars would carry a wireless donut card and get an automatic half dozen release.-- Autonome, Sep 02 2002 [jocelyn] why not?
[Autonome] very nice, I like it a lot.-- madradish, Sep 02 2002 I do not think the idea can work. The biggest problem is that a large vehicle weighs more and therefore applies more pressure. So, the large vehicles will not even be able to go the speed limit while the subcompacts will be able to speed right over it. On second though, that is not so bad since subcompacts are not dangerous while SUV's should be outlawed altogether.-- jamesxi, Sep 20 2002 Ahh but isn't the real question here "What flavor?"?-- Wraith, Sep 22 2002 Install 'anti-bumpifier' transmitters in emergency/police vehicles. As the vehicles near the speed bumb, a charge transimitted to the custard negates the custard's solidification.
Better yet, why use the speed bump so directly. Install electronics in all registered vehicles. Sideposts at street intersections and 'slow' areas modulate traffic speed.
Highway chases would all come to resemble the OJ chase, else highway chases become simply impossible.-- existentist, Sep 29 2002 Alternatively you could have some kind of custard injection into the emergency vehicle's tyres. As the vehicle goes over the speed bump, a transmitter on the bump tells the sensor onboard the vehicle to inject custard immediately into the tyres. The vehicle continues going, only having hit the up-slope of the speed bump, the increased diameter of the tyres removing the down slope. Custard can then be slowly extracted from the tyres and returned into the custard injector until the next speed bump is met.-- PeterSilly, Sep 30 2002 SILLY PUTTY!!! Silly putty is another common dilatant compound that has properties similar to custard, but much more so. If you slowly stretch silly putty, it stretches fine. But yank on it hard and it snaps in half. In fact if you drop it from a high building, silly putty SHATTERS!!! Silly Putty Filled Speed Bumps!-- nightwind, Oct 11 2002 //In fact if you drop it from a high building, silly putty SHATTERS// The version I read says it bounces then shatters on the second strike, so all you need to do is hit it fast with the front wheels and the rear wheels will smash it to pieces. Not very comfortable for you, but a sterling service to the rest of the community. I'll try to find the link.-- egbert, Oct 11 2002 Place a camera at the bump, facing oncoming traffic, to guage the speed of the oncoming vehicle. It is then connected to a custard pump to inflate the bump for speeders, or deflate it to negligibility (I hope that's a word) for moderate drivers.-- friendlyfire, Nov 02 2002 Why don't we just go the whole hog and have a huge steel blade come up out of the ground? The faster you're going the more you get splatted! After all, speeding is a far more anti-social activity than clogging up the road with an accident.
The best traffic calming situation I have ever seen is where residents park their cars down one side of a narrow street - or even better, alternate on both sides. This exists in the streets adjacent to where I live, and what are the council doing? Building resident's car parks and installing speed bumps!-- egbert, Nov 04 2002 Have no speed bump. Regular people will dirve slow. Fast drivers will trigger a launcher that launches custard on to the bottom of their car. After a few days the car would stink. Everytime a person gets in or out of the car, they will smell rotten custard. That will be a deterant and will keep them from speeding.-- Rexaldo, Dec 21 2002 Couldn't a simular principle be applied across a range of applications, creating an entire ecomony based on custard powered and derived devices? Which leaves, unanswered the one vital question, of what flavour custard would be used for the speed bumps <?>-- nighthoover, Jan 13 2003 My dog makes a substance that might deter them.-- jerry4703, Jan 14 2003 I think a criossant is appropriate here. Though for me the custard speed bumps wouldn't be a deterant. As a matter-of-fact that would make me want to speed... I love custard and as long as there is fresh custard in the speed bumps... the mysterious Urban_kayaker would have her car ready and roaring to go... P.S. fill the speed bumps with strawberry custard, its my favourite.-- Urban_kayaker, Mar 31 2003 NO NO NO WHAT YOU NEED IS,CUSTARD CAMERAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 WHICH DETECT SPEEDING VEHICLES AND SPLAT!!
(NAMED, BLAMED, AND SHAMED)-- DIABLO, May 01 2003 Near my high school the city built a small round-about to stop teenagers from speeding and giving the people in the nieghborhood a "speed bump free" enviroment. The only thing the round-about did was thwart old drivers(who don't speed anyway.) The round-about provied us with the challange of testing our potential formula one skills.-- The Tick, May 31 2003 Why not engineered like a fart bag? It'd add some humor to an idiotic car damaging idea.-- babyloon, Jun 09 2003 Lying in bed last night, kept awake by cars racing by my window for hours (25 mph is the limit on my street, most cars doing about 50); after 2 calls to the police, I invented much the same contraption, but it involved all the techie stuff: radar guns, hydraulic rams lifting hinged steel plates and such. I only post this for my 2 (I think) unique suggestions,
1. Give a 7 mph over the limit grace period, then start jacking up the bump until it becomes a 2 foot thick steel wall, 5 feet high at 20 mph over the limit, or so (further testing required) (they won't be speeding no mo)
2. On freeways, same grace period, then have continuous series of steel plates begin to angle up to create an increasingly bone shattering washboard effect (ever tried driving fast on bad washboard on a dirt road? its hell.)-- oxen crossing, Jun 17 2003 [bfrank] Some problems with custard-compatibility here....
Why not just use stainless-steel filings in a bit of custard? Hmm, on second thoughts the steel would never de-magnetise. It might be better to use regular iron filings and de-oxygenated custard. We wouldn't want the filings to rust...-- riposte, Jun 24 2003 //Speed bumps are the work of satin //
Satin-covered speed bumps? Wouldn't velvet be better, more traction?-- PeterSilly, Jun 25 2003 oh yes +-- custardlove, Jul 09 2003 Lets forget about speedbumps and make everything else out of Custard. Yum!-- Armande Hammer, Jul 25 2003 i would speed to get the sweet custardy goodness... but how often would the custard be changed to keep it fresh?-- the ugly one, Oct 26 2003 Can't you just see people stickin' a straw or spoon in the speed bumps to get a taste? Come to think of it, I had a teacher once that looked like a giant, custard-filled speed bump... (hee, hee!)-- spacecadet, Dec 01 2003 In areas where the custard-filled speed bump is employed, would it not be wiser to deliver custard only to the driver who obeys the limit?
Why not 'go the whole hog' and add a system that allows custard to be delivered cleanly and safely to the safe driver.. Perhaps cars could be programmed with the type of custard the driver desires each day, so the speed bumps can interact wirelessly and delivery whatever flavour appropriate.
I'd happily pay road tax safe in the knowledge i'd get hot custard of my daily choice everytime I drove slowly over a speed bump...
Oh yeah.. cars would also have to be equipped with straws for the driver, so they can suck on their custard straw and drive safely at the same time... [+]-- SpeedDemon, Dec 07 2003 Yes, the magical properties of custard! But I would be tempted to cut it open and eat it...-- Chomp Rock, Dec 28 2003 Well it all seems fine to just say that the good drivers will be rewarded with custard, but how much of a reward is that for people who are lactose intolerant? Then it would seem that they would have to drive wrecklessly to ensure they don't get exposed. The custard should stay where it was originally intended - under speed bumps. And the idea about the weights of cars affecting the number of doughnuts made seemed slightly unfair, that would distribute them unevenly, there should be more doughnuts for those cars weighing the least - therefore leaving a lower chance of making the fat fatter, and giving less doughnuts to those who weigh less. Maybe a system involving some kind of pulleys could be used to get the doughnuts to where they are really needed, like to orphanages or wherever poverty is rife?-- tuus_matrima, Mar 25 2004 Is custard really dilitant?-- whatastrangeperson, Apr 09 2004 Just noticed that I had not tossed my croisant on the heap. Fixed.-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, May 16 2004 Seriously brilliant. Only reason I can think that they haven't used dilatants in speed bumps is that, they loose their properites after some time.-- daseva, Jun 09 2004 Robinism, it's called a link.-- DesertFox, Jun 19 2004 I just had the cartoonish vision of some unfortunate soul sucking the custard of one of these bumps and a car rounding the corner and hitting the bump and squish. Custard coming outta every opening.-- Spare parts, Jun 23 2004 //maybe those convicted of speeding should be made to contribute to the cause, by somehow being involved in the custard production process. //
To prevent speeding, surely the best thing to do is to create (basically) a coffin in the speedbumbs, with access to air (through a tube of some sort) and place speeders in there. They would be put in at 4 am and taken out after rush hour. The "coffin" would be unbreakable, but have just enough give so you can feel the pressure change in the custard. They then have to clear the coffin out afterwards.-- Rufus, Jun 30 2004 See the 'Pneumatic speed bumps on test.' link for an earlier picture. (By the way, you can post URLs as links by using the 'link' button -- your link already posted by engineer1)-- st3f, Jul 01 2004 [Rufus] Not too sure about that, I had the coffin idea a while ago but mine was under train tracks. The problem is that I intended it as a weird form of fun. I'd be tempted to speed past the police station in order to get into the coffin.-- stilgar, Aug 26 2004 Wouldn't the rubber wear out rather quickly, spraying the innocent with custard, like a delicious scarlet letter?-- notmarkflynn, Dec 20 2005 100 croissants for me!
Before clicking on this, I said to my self "Self, I bet you 100 croissants that [notmarkflynn] is the last annotator, because he saw this on Krelniks Newbie rules, and wanted to check it out."
And I was right!-- DesertFox, Dec 21 2005 We should start a pool on how many fishbones I can get in a week.-- notmarkflynn, Dec 22 2005 Can we attach a small bell on to this idea? Then, whenever someone gives it a bun or a bone, we know someone's entered the building-- Dub, Dec 24 2005 ding. +111. chuffed.-- rainbow, Dec 25 2005 this discusion is making me hungry-- amuse, Apr 21 2006 So eat a speedbump.-- DesertFox, Apr 21 2006 my college parking lot has horrible speed bumps every 10 feet. i have found that i am able to take them going quite fast and with only a very small vibration if i let my right hand wheels ease up onto the curb a little just before the bump. then i let them ease off after the bump. for some reason, this cuts down the shock of the bump by more than 75% i would guess (not the 50% you may have expected!)-- auricom_mech, Aug 03 2006 //I think the term you're looking for is 'dilatant', not 'thixotropic'//
I think the term you're looking for is not 'dilatant', but 'dilettante'.-- pertinax, Aug 04 2006 Oh dear! I forgot to eat breakfast! I'll go pop a speedbump.(+)-- fett625, Mar 12 2007 You see, [fett625], if only you'd named it "Name Machine with custard", you'd have been bunned to the gunwhales by now.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 12 2007 Thanks to your advice, now I have 7 plus votes. And a lot of custard.-- fett625, Mar 14 2007 custard!!!!!-- bogeld_mind21, Apr 30 2007 well get me ma knife I's going speedbump poping for lunch-- crash, Oct 31 2007 Yes, [crash] if you look carefully there's a little warning sign "Caution: Contents may be hot."-- Dub, Oct 31 2007 Sometimes, when I happen to be driving and don't wan't to hit a speed bump, I just turn really quickly. The car is then riding on 2 wheels and can slip through the small gap between the bumps. Or, I could put a small ramp in front of the bumps. But I like the 2 wheel approach better.-- Shadow Phoenix, Oct 31 2007 This thread went on for SEVEN YEARS.wow. was this the beginning of 'Custard'?-- Rmac, Oct 18 2009 Not Quite - this thread went on for five years, sat dormant for two and was then resurrected simply by mentioning it's (disputed) longevity.
Damn! I've done it myself now.
Look what you made me do!-- Twizz, Oct 19 2009 Oh well, now you and I seem to have continued it. perhaps it could be continued perpetually? It seems like a fun topic.-- Rmac, Oct 20 2009 EEK! Zombie Custard!-- xxobot, Feb 24 2010 How about adding custard-filled fords to splash through?? And one-lane hump back bridges over the custard river?? But not necessarily tangerine trees or marmalade skies.-- sstvp, Feb 24 2010 non-Newtonian spikes-- FlyingToaster, Feb 24 2010 Ahh, memories. The custard filled speed bump I invented back in 2002 only to find it had already been posted on some bizarre site called "the Halfbakery."
Disappointing as that was, I've been enjoying coming to this, the most interesting site on the web ever since.-- doctorremulac3, Jul 11 2010 I remember seeing (probably on Tomorrow's World), the use of silly putty-filled cylinders used as speed arrestors in gravity marshalling yards.-- AbsintheWithoutLeave, Jul 11 2010 [awol], more information about these yards where gravity is marshalled, please.-- pocmloc, Jul 11 2010 See link, [pocmloc].-- nineteenthly, Jul 11 2010 Sorry, I was in the garden-- Dub, Jul 11 2010 // Lying in bed last night, kept awake by cars racing by my window for hours (25 mph is the limit on my street, most cars doing about 50); after 2 calls to the police, I invented much the same contraption, but it involved all the techie stuff: radar guns, hydraulic rams lifting hinged steel plates and such. //
I've considered launching remote controlled robot children riding bikes in front of the speeding cars in my area. There'd need to be some mechanism to make sure there are no real humans within crashing distance, of course. The robot children would be full of blood and offal and would explode on impact.-- idris83, May 11 2011 Only to let it resurface!-- Zimmy, May 23 2011 Like that cornstarch gloop from 4th grade! I love it. [+]-- fischerman, May 24 2011 Are there even 178 people on HB?-- DIYMatt, Jan 06 2012 There used to be.-- blissmiss, Jan 07 2012 179; long-overdue [+]
Just out of curiousity, was this post the origin of the whole custard thing, or does that go back further?-- Alterother, Jan 07 2012 Custard goes back to the very beginning of time, I believe. Cause I believe in custard.-- blissmiss, Jan 07 2012 Deservedly little-known factoid: the difficult-to- translate Hebrew "tohu ve vohu" actually means "custard"
In other news, thanks to [DIYMatt], there now exists, on the Halfbakery, a speed bump bump.-- mouseposture, Jan 07 2012 I'm not sure why I bothered asking. I knew none of you would give me a straight answer.
That's why I love you guys. (If I weren't so allergic to emoticons, I'd do the smiley-face one. Or the smiley- winky-face. Where the hell is my epi pen?)-- Alterother, Jan 07 2012 "a speed bump bump", now that's funny.-- blissmiss, Jan 08 2012 an unmentioned feature of this marvel of civil engineering, is that it would constitute a nationwide strategic reserve of custard. Should the worst happen, we'll be OK for custard for a bit. A very comforting thought.-- bs0u0155, Nov 19 2012 Sadly I think that might require weaponised speed bumps.-- xenzag, Jun 04 2017 <sniggering and arm-flapping>-- 8th of 7, Jun 04 2017 Since [Ian] posted that, this has been on my mind and the more I think about it, the more it seems like something which should be seriously proposed to someone. A speed bump on each end of a bridge, bearing in mind that there have now been two attacks on bridges, would seem to make sense.-- nineteenthly, Jun 05 2017 Bridges aren't designed to take the repetitive impact of 20-ton lorries bouncing over speed bumps all day-- hippo, Jun 05 2017 What's more, kamikaze drivers won't be worried about loosening their fillings, or bending the suspension of their rented or stolen vehicle. In WW2, jap pilots weren't noticeably concerned about the risk of airframe damage ...-- 8th of 7, Jun 05 2017 Um, insensitive high explosive with a tantalum carbide shield maybe?-- nineteenthly, Jun 05 2017 There's no problem producing extremely insensitive H.E. ... Torpex has been around for decades, so need for a super-hard cover. Cast blocks of Ammonal would be cheap, safe and convenient.-- 8th of 7, Jun 05 2017 Finally baked, mainly in Spain. [Link]-- AusCan531, Jun 06 2017 Whoa! Custard speed bump woman is pretty hot. (00:40)
Not at all like those conventional speed bump hags.-- doctorremulac3, Jun 08 2017 Huh.
'bout time.-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jun 08 2017 Excellent news!-- pertinax, Jun 09 2017 I came to this site many years ago with an idea: soft speedbumps that could be driven over easily and quietly at low speed but that would function as speed bumps at high speed. That day I learned terms like "marked for deletion" and "widely known to exist" and "check your spelling newbie" but still intrigued, I came back for more. That was almost 20 years ago. To celebrate my first idea posted here, I've taken a good poem and made it less so by changing the words.
I met a baker from a far off land who said—“Speed bumps like custard soft, my dreams of wealth, and great acclaim.”
Shattered though with posts of fury. Sarcastic cold like cutting blades tell this baker well what came before. For on those annos these words appear:
"THIS IS WELL BAKED! LOOK UPON THESE LINKS AND DESPAIR!"
Nothing but the bones remain, of that colossal dream. Bun-less and barren, into the vast and endless history files. It fades into time.-- doctorremulac3, Jul 18 2021 + for poetry doctorremulac3. ++ for Ozymandias. Check out my profile page for my poor attempt at it from some years ago!-- DrBob, Jul 18 2021 Well heck doc, yours is actually good! Maybe this should be another category.
(From DrBob’s page)
The Ravings of an Eedjit (Poem No.1)
I met a surfer from a half-baked site Who said: One croissant and a pile of bones Stand by my idea. And beneath, in harsh anno’s, half sunk, my shattered posting lies, whose prose And spelling poor, and mix of many tense Tell that its author was not well read. Which yet survive, writ on the world wide web, By pedants mocked and newbies shred; And on my posting these words appear: “We should use nanobots, and GM tech; Why can’t we all just learn to share?” Nothing beside remains. Round the decay of that vast WIBNI, heated and terse, The flames stretch down the page.-- doctorremulac3, Jul 18 2021 Thank'ee :) It was originally posted as an idea but we went through a period where the 'bakery was being swamped in them, so I deleted my ones & moved them to my profile page.-- DrBob, Jul 18 2021 [riposte] marked himself as somehow British ("custard","mum","sleeping policeman") whereas I have never seen [doc] descend into Britishisms. Has the halfbakery somehow made him less British?-- 4and20, Jul 19 2021 Maybe I'll put this up as a category, "Halfbakery Poems Based On Other Poems."
I seem to remember there are other instances of somebody taking a classic and "customizing" it to describe a Halfbakery aspect.
Eh, why not? I'll put it up. People can either throw their existing ones in or write new ones. I know we're got some very talented poets here. No, I'm not being sarcastic with that statements. Nor with that one.-- doctorremulac3, Jul 19 2021 These actually exist now (see last three links) - sadly none of the literature cites this idea as inspiration-- hippo, Nov 06 2023 That's just marketing-- pocmloc, Nov 06 2023 random, halfbakery