Equip crash test dummies with an internal audio system and some sensors on various parts of the body. A simple computer chip embedded with the audio system processes the incoming "damage" signals and plays the appropriate audio track.
For more practical uses, the dummy shouts "Arm damage! Frontal Head Damage! Leg Damage! Chest puncture wound!" depending on the area hit.
For fun purposes, it can be reprogrammed to scream and wail in a realistic manner, with responses such as "AAAUUGH! MY LEG!" "STOP THE BLEEDING" and "MOMMMEEEEE!"
Available in both male and female voices.-- qt75rx1, Mar 13 2008 http://www.eurekale...11/ns-rtk110707.php [2 fries shy of a happy meal, Mar 13 2008] It would have been better if you hadn't introduced the practical "Arm damage" feature. You had me at "Crying Crash Test Dummies".-- jtp, Mar 13 2008 Brain damage! [-]-- daseva, Mar 13 2008 Oh I thought you said, "that know when They hit you". [link]-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Mar 13 2008 For more serious impacts, I propose equipping these crash test dummies with "last words", which they will gasp with their dying breath, ideally something uplifting and moralistic - e.g. "What was I thinking of, rushing home to watch 'Countdown'? - I was going far too fast. Life's too precious....". If two crash test dummies are in the same car, one should turn to the other before they 'die' from their 'life-threatening injuries' and say "I always meant to tell you - you were adopted...".-- hippo, Mar 13 2008 ...something by The Crash Test Dummies, perhaps?-- hippo, Mar 13 2008 + cute. What about some blood and guts coming out, too?-- xandram, Mar 13 2008 That'd be hard to implement, [xandram], unless we filled the dummies with, like, pig guts or something. Then we'd have problems with reliability and reusability.-- qt75rx1, Mar 13 2008 Adam Savage made a blood-bomb that ruptured at the right g-force to indicate probable brain damage for Buster in an episode of Mythbusters. Gross fun.-- elhigh, Mar 13 2008 And even better- Have the husband/wife pair of crash dummies where the wife is nagging him right before the crash and then starts hitting him with the purse after the fact. "I can't believe you wrecked our new car!"-- Jscotty, Mar 14 2008 Is there a loophole in the Turing test here, whereby you can more easily emulate a sentient agent if it's understood to be a badly injured sentient agent?-- pertinax, Mar 14 2008 Heard from kid-sized crash test dummy in back seat "That was fun! Can we do that again?! Pleeeeeeease!?!"-- Canuck, Mar 14 2008 "You could learn a lot from a dummy..."-- RayfordSteele, Mar 14 2008 I suspect that these dummies would find homes with people who were more interested in sadism than safety.-- WcW, Mar 14 2008 Hmmm....
Perhaps the young child dummy's hair could change color...
Once there was this kid who Got into an accident and couldn't come to school But when he finally came back His hair had turned from black into bright white He said that it was from when The car had smashed so hard-- globaltourniquet, Mar 14 2008 My anno way up there-- I meant like fake blood and guts...red streamers, pieces of rubber shaped liked kidneys, lungs, etc. You know, like Halloween stuff.-- xandram, Mar 15 2008 so noted xan. yuck-- dentworth, Mar 15 2008 Would they have a backup servo/audio system so that when they're taken out of the vehicle and laid on the ground, they clutch your arm, look up at you and wheeze out, "Tell ....... Jimmy ...... I..... forgive ...... him.........UUUuuuuhhhhh...." before slumping into "death" ?-- 8th of 7, Mar 16 2008 "......rosebud..."-- hippo, Mar 17 2008 random, halfbakery