Emboss the cans with decorative designs instead of the usual ridges
-- evilpenguin, May 19 2017

mmmm jiggly https://www.youtube...watch?v=varXeO4sSaM
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, May 20 2017]

Cranberries https://www.youtube...watch?v=XZPXQ7nw_9Y
Wierd American fruit with four air chambers that floats. [popbottle, May 21 2017]

But... cranberry sauce comes in jars.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, May 19 2017


Errrr, what ?
-- 8th of 7, May 19 2017


I said "cranberry sauce comes in jars." I can try typing louder if it helps.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, May 19 2017


Yes, that might help.

<adopts pose intended to denote keen attention>
-- 8th of 7, May 19 2017


The pose is probably less effective than changing the batteries in your reading aid.

What strange land does [evil] come from, that produces cranberry sauce in cans (which, incidentally, are more correctly called 'tins'), for gods' sake?
-- MaxwellBuchanan, May 19 2017


Hypno disk/starlight mint pattern?
-- beanangel, May 19 2017


Dear gods. Is everybody here on something tonight?
-- MaxwellBuchanan, May 19 2017


//jars// How does one get the cylinder of cranberry sauce to leave such a base container, intact ?

I suppose a recording of the ceremonial <splorch> sound could be played, but it sounds terribly complex.
-- FlyingToaster, May 19 2017


//a cylinder of cranberry sauce//

Mad. The whole world has gone mad.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, May 19 2017


Cranberry sauce does WHAT in jars?!
-- lurch, May 19 2017


This entire idea, comments and etc. has left me utterly speechless. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.
-- blissmiss, May 19 2017


You're just jellyous.
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, May 20 2017


I condiment believe you.
-- normzone, May 20 2017


My Mother, and her mother before that, and so forth, all lovingly ground the metal can opener around the can of cranberry sauce, every Thanksgiving, and then plopped the shit down on the same damn plate, year after year. What's good enough for those loony bins, is good enough for you all. Done.
-- blissmiss, May 20 2017


[blissmiss], have you ever had cranberry sauce served by anyone else, elsewhere, for comparison? It is quite possible that what your loony mother was serving with the turkey was in reality mulligatawny soup, which might explain your unfavourable opinion.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, May 20 2017


// My Mother //

<Obligatory Blade Runner reference>
-- 8th of 7, May 20 2017


I am also, incidentally, rather disconcerted by comments such as //cylinder of cranberry sauce// and //jellyous//.

As one of the few Englishmen here, it is presumably up to me to set the entire record straight as regards cranberry sauce, since everyone else seems to be either confused or American, or both.

Cranberry sauce is a dish consisting of whole, ripe yet still sharp cranberries; a modicum of sugar; and, if you insist, a little orange zest. The whole is simmered until the cranberries are beginning to break up, and then allowed to cool. Under no circumstances whatsoeveratall should it be (a) a solid mass, (b) jelly-like or (c) oversweet. Jelly is for children's desserts or, if you insist on speaking American English, for combining with peanut butter in a sandwich.

For reference, cranberry sauce is the direct analog of gooseberry sauce, a similar puree made of gooseberries which, being even sharper than cranberries, are particularly excellent with fattier birds such as goose. Hence the name. Why the cranberry was not called the turkeyberry (or why the turkey was not called the cran) is one of the enduring mysteries of existence.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, May 20 2017


Ooh I've got just the commercial you need to see then.
[link] Watch it to the end for maximum jiggleness.
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, May 20 2017


//just the commercial you need to see then//

You see, [2fries], this is prexactly the kind of fundamental misunderstanding which explains why America never really made it big after independence. What the fuck is it with you people? You used to be English, for chrissake.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, May 20 2017


Give them a break, [MB]. They're more deserving of pity than condemnation... after all, they still haven't even managed to become Canadians, which is basically no more than taking the stabilizer wheels off your first pedal bike, when everyone else is already riding a 500cc Norton ...
-- 8th of 7, May 20 2017


Hey now, I am Canadian let's just get that straight right off... but I've sill never had cranberry as a side dish that didn't go <spludgtch> out of a can like that.

It's kind of like how Hawaiians 'Really' like canned Spam after being subjected to it during WWII, and how canned corned-beef and tomato paste spaghetti sauce is still a go-to recipe in my family even though the great depression, (hey there's an oxymoron I've never thought about before), is over.
One of my grandfathers used to spread lard on his toast every morning rather than butter because he got a taste for it.

<shrugs>
Taste buds are funny.

I've always liked the jiggle of the cran-jelly as it splats the plate, and how you can just shave off as much or as little as you want, and how it starts to melt and drizzle over the sliced turkey meat...

...well crap now I've got to make a snack before supper. I hope you're happy.
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, May 20 2017


Oh, you mean there's people who like cranberry sauce? I thought eating it was just an obligation at certain meals - like the turkey himself. I do, however, rather enjoy some mild sculpture work making various shapes in the gel - which is something that would never work with that unfinished, undisciplined sploodge [Max]'s butler buttles on top of his bird carcass.

I guess you could score the jar, put it in the freezer until it fractured, take the glass pieces off, and serve the condiment frozen. I... uh... I'm dubious.
-- lurch, May 20 2017


All this talk of "it comes in a jar" changes my view of cranberries. See I always thought they grew inside empty cans farmers place on vines the way they get pears in bottles of Eau de Vie
-- evilpenguin, May 20 2017


Not extruded?... are you not sure?
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, May 21 2017


Well, a cranberry is meant to be eaten with crane. And an elderberry, with Grandma.
-- Cuit_au_Four, May 21 2017


As to raspberries, we'll file that for future reference.
-- 8th of 7, May 21 2017


//when everyone else is already riding a 500cc Norton ...//

Does Norton still exist and do anything other than occupy an old castle?

We're sorry the British haven't yet evolved to modernity. Must be the islander isolation. Although it does make them rather fascinating creatures to study--the northern equivalent to the Galapagos Islands perhaps.
-- RayfordSteele, May 25 2017



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