Catholics believe that they are consuming the actual blood and body of Christ during the service of Holy Communion. The Shroud of Turin provides the opportunity to add inhalation to this oral ingestion on a truly once ever experience.

To facilitate this event entails dividing the Shroud into a large number of segments, which would subsequently be rolled up into a severely limited edition of individual cheroots. Each of these would be totally unique as they would contain a single section of the original pattern of the shroud. Appropriately packaged and certified, the resulting Cheroots of Turin would then be sold off in the manner of Indulgences, short circuiting a potential millennia spent in purgatory.

Elaborate ceremonies would herald the lighting up and smoking of one of these objects, with the remaining ash being able to lay title to yet more miraculous properties. Large crowds could be expected to gather in order to share in the passive smoke, vigorously wafting the air in an effort to direct every diluted whiff of the precious holy vapour towards their gaping mouths and flared nostrils.
-- xenzag, Nov 19 2005

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