* Sticker on window of Train Carriage *
You are sitting in the chat carriage of this train. Passengers are reminded that other travellers may engage them in gentle conversation during your journey, rather than stare blankly at advertisements.
Would passengers please note that they :
May enjoy your journey into work May see others smiling. They should not panic at this May miss your stops as a result of healthy conversations May make a friend May learn a thing or two May smile-- jonthegeologist, Feb 18 2005 Singing_20carriage [hippo, Feb 18 2005] UK public transport rolls out 'chat day' https://www.theguar...-rolls-out-chat-day [hippo, Jun 13 2019] Excellent idea! Most of the time I would avoid this carriage like the plague.-- hippo, Feb 18 2005 What [hippo] said.<aside>I've often wondered if pub tables might have signs similar to this.</aside>-- angel, Feb 18 2005 But what if you sit in the chat carriage, all brimming with bright things to say, and nobody will talk with you? Better to just stay in the non-chat carriage. [+]-- robinism, Feb 18 2005 A warning sticker and a place for the nutters to congregate? Excellent idea.-- AbsintheWithoutLeave, Feb 18 2005 I'll talk to you, jtg. ;)-- po, Feb 18 2005 arrw, wouldcha [po]? Ta!-- jonthegeologist, Feb 18 2005 How long would it take for a company to hire advertising chatters?
edit: carriage moderators with catle prods would help.-- Sabriand, Feb 18 2005 Eheheh This is a great idea. Sometimes it almost seems like smiling on train or bus or so is a crime.So this is great.-- NeoPiter, Feb 18 2005 Sab, hah!
secret chatterers (like secret shoppers) to make sure that the standard of conversation was up to scratch.-- po, Feb 18 2005 po- But what could they do? decry the degradation of polite conversation into suggestions of where to get your next used auto?
Gotta give them something to work with. I always admired the effectiveness of tasers and cattle prods, instantly acquire someone's full attention.-- Sabriand, Feb 18 2005 At the end of the day this could easily descend into Party Carriage. Not that that's a bad thing.-- wagster, Feb 18 2005 Perhaps all trains should be behaviour segregated, so in a typical six carriage train, there'd be a. chat carriage b. shouting into your mobile phone carriage ("I'M ON A TRAIN! A TRAIN! NO... A TR- I'M LOSING YOU!WHAT? SHIT! HELLO?") c. singing carriage (qv) d. loud personal stereo carriage e. a children's carriage and f. "if you make even so much as the merest sqeak, you will be thrown off the train at the next viaduct" carriage, which is where you'll find me, with a book and a billy club.-- calum, Feb 18 2005 I like your plan [calum] I'll be on the singing car.( Hey [hippo] already suggested that one). bet you are a joy to ride with in the a.m.-- dentworth, Feb 18 2005 I'll be in the 'f' carriage trying to steal [calum]'s billy club so I can use it as a pretend microphone to sing into.-- Machiavelli, Feb 18 2005 I like it! Of course, I'd be in the antisocial "fuck off and don't even try conversing" carriage, but it might get rid of the irritating chatty types for me-- hazel, Feb 18 2005 g. speed dating carriage h. adult play carriage i. movie carriage j. racquetball carriage-- Worldgineer, Feb 18 2005 k. pilates exercise-- po, Feb 18 2005 Then where would I go [calum]? I'm still considered a child, I play my stereo, but not loudly as some of my fellow lemmings do, I sometimes sing along with mentioned personal stereo (but I avoid doing so in public for appearances sake), but I'd like to be in the "if you make even so much as the merest sqeak, you will be thrown off the train at the next viaduct" carriage, coz little brothers and twin sisters can get annoying...-- froglet, Feb 18 2005 l. baby carriage-- FarmerJohn, Feb 18 2005 This is such a great idea, and it should expand in a serious way. I suggest a "group hugging" car. I almost really mean that too. I wouldn't ride in the chat car every day, but at least once a week.-- Wisconsin, Feb 19 2005 Froglet, maybe you would feel at home in the None-of-the-above carriage.-- robinism, Feb 19 2005 m. sitting with legs wide apart and with both arms hogging the armrests-- hippo, Feb 19 2005 n. 'unable to fold a newspaper' carriage.
o. 'think I might be on the wrong train' carriage (this will need a separate conductor).
With all these variations,I propose some sort of colour coding - green for sociable, blue for normal commuting antisocial, red for antisocial with extreme prejudice, that sort of thing. I further propose moving back to the olde english system of having tiny little compartments on trains. That way we can fit everybody in. In fact, when you book your train ticket, for an extra charge you can specify the rules of a compartment to ensure that your journey is as pleasant as possible. Otherwise, internet booking of tickets can take into account your previous preferences to find you a compartment with likeminded people.-- moomintroll, Feb 19 2005 How on earth did I end up in the naked juggling car? Damn internet.-- Worldgineer, Feb 20 2005 I've always thought it's amazing that in a train, people can feel so lonely while surrounded by so many people. The world should have more of these ideas implemented. Beautiful, [jon]. +++-- Pericles, Feb 20 2005 Interesting internet history you have, [Worldgineer]...
Avoid compartments painted green with little red spots.-- moomintroll, Feb 20 2005 Now can we have a compartment for the chavs? Or do they ride trains?-- RayfordSteele, Feb 22 2005 Love the idea. Perhaps the conductor might show up every once in a while to ensure everybody's still chatting? "Oi! You! ... how was your day? "-- Trickytracks, Feb 22 2005 p. "Is this the right carriage for an argument?" "WE'VE TOLD YOU ONCE!"-- ConsulFlaminicus, Feb 22 2005 Sounds horrific. --- DrBob, Feb 22 2005 [Consul] Did you come to book a trainticket, or would you like a blowjob?-- zeno, Feb 22 2005 [Rayford] - Chavs just steam through carriages a-z relieving people of their wallets and phones.-- wagster, Feb 23 2005 I'd be on the geez get a life and stop depending on strangers to feed your emotional needs while bitching about the impersonalness of "modern society" that I happen to like just fine the way it is, especially the being left alone part which you call impersonalness carriage.-- f1r3br4nd, Feb 23 2005 That's going to need a big sticker.
Anyway, I fear that this sticker-led segregation system will serve only to aggravate social tensions. Some people are incapable of following imperatives and the very obviousness of the prohibition makes any "Oh, am I on the wrong carriage?" transgression all the more objectionable to the hair trigger passive and aggressive aggressives who inhabit our commuter trains. Therefore, we should not segregate by carriage, but by train. Each behaviour should have its own train service. "This is the 0730 ScotRail Silent Express to Edinburgh. ScotRail operates a no chatting policy on this train. Any passengers found conversing on this service will be thrown into a box full of angry geese for the duration of their journey. On behalf of ScotRail, I wish you all a pleasant, silent journey."-- calum, Feb 23 2005 q. Angry geese carriage.-- angel, Feb 24 2005 s. Ghostriders restricted carriage. Angel of doom, grim reaper etc.-- mensmaximus, Feb 24 2005 Does anyone have earplugs? I can't concentrate with all the angry geese noise.-- Worldgineer, Feb 24 2005 Is this the sedan chair parking car?-- mensmaximus, Feb 24 2005 What's after z? Zzzzzzzzz. The snooze carriage. Back to original idea: A sign could say "Today's topic of conversation is: _______"-- Ling, Feb 24 2005 I missed this one. I like it, a lot. I Think it should be adapted to planes as well.
1st class, chatty class, 2nd class, and Hazel and my "fuck off" class.-- blissmiss, Feb 24 2005 //"fuck off" class//, also a requirement of any French primary school.-- Worldgineer, Feb 24 2005 This Chat Carriage sounds like a Jack Finney story in which the protagonist slips into an alternative universe. On a bus, finding nearly everyone with their nose in a paper, he tells them it’s much too nice of a day to be reading. He stands. Everyone please! Put away those newspapers. Take a breath of this glorious air, and—all together now—join me in song! And they do! It’s a Beautiful Day, Blue Skies, Hello Dolly. They belt them out. Passengers on passing busses join in. Pedestrians stop and wave.-- ldischler, Feb 24 2005 Fight Carriage is surely the ultimate. Especially if that gentleman talking on his mobile phone mistakenly strolls in.
The first rule of fight carriage is...... no smoking max £50 fine-- Ellcohol, Mar 11 2005 Uhoh, the 'bad personal hygiene' carriage is full up.-- chimpoid, Mar 11 2005 Sir the only way to get you to your business meeting on time is to book you in the speed dating carriage. I hope you get your proposal done on the way.-- RBStimers, Mar 11 2005 A gret place to figure out if your benzodiazepines are working.-- pigtails_and_ponies, Jul 03 2006 very nice!-- nickmancomp, Apr 30 2007 when- I- first- saw- this- I- thought 'so, like a smoking carriage, but for chewed East African narcotics', but I like actual idea much better.-- pertinax, Apr 30 2007 Would the fight carriage have connections to the Mosh Pit bus?-- MrDaliLlama, Apr 30 2007 Public transport authorities in the UK have been listening to [jonthegeologist]'s sage advice and are due to implement his idea this Friday (see link)-- hippo, Jun 13 2019 This was a terrible idea in 2005 and is a terrible idea in 2019. The premise of the 2019 iteration of this abominable notion is stated in the article to be: "everyone has an interesting story to tell". This is something, now that I have met most of the people in this country, that I can happily confirm is absolutely false. The number of people who have an story to tell is probably around 25,000,000. The number of people who have an interesting story to tell is approximately 2,000. The number of people who have (a) an interesting story to tell and (b) the ability to tell it in a way that retains the interestingnosity of the story is close to zero, in absolute terms.-- calum, Jun 13 2019 It certainly adds a new horror to public transport, which is already horrible to begin with.
We forsee the sole occupant of such carriages or buses being an intoxicated and semi-coherent Scotchman/Scouser/Finn* who wanser ... wanser ... wanser tellyou anotherthin' ... right ? You'remy ... you'remy .. mybeshtestmate ... arright ? An' ... an' ... listen ... eh ?
At 0750, it's enough to make you lose the will to live.
*In Finland, a surprising proportion of voluble drunks are, as far as can be established, female. It's just one more to add to the many reasons never to visit Finland**.
**Sometimes, drunken Finns can be encountered in other Scandinavian countries. This is usually the result of their having fallen into a stupor and failed to disembark from the train/bus/ferry at the appropriate stop. Strangely, their inability to speak the local language does not present a problem as they are all fluent in Incoherent Mumbling which is the same everywhere.-- 8th of 7, Jun 13 2019 random, halfbakery