Frank's right foot itched. He yearned to press down hard on the gas and get there quicker, so that he could put a swift end to this miserable frustration. The whole damn thing had been in his grasp for one brief moment, but then it had slipped through his fingers, back into the abyss. Gone forever.
As he drove past the carwash, Frank could feel his shirt still sticking to his back from the clammy effort he had made. The back of his throat still burned from the cursing.
Passing the Air & Water station, Frank considered that he should be able to just let it go. But he couldn't, because the whole thing had left him angry. It wasn't about the money, dammit, it was the principle. Oh, and the money. Specifically, it was about Frank's loose change, which had slipped from his pocket and down the gap between his chair and rim of his car door. He could see it, but try as he might (and he had...) there was no retrieving it.
Berating car manufacturers for not making those gaps a bit wider, his tailor for not making his pockets deeper, and God for not making his fingers longer, Frank had wasted about 3 minutes trying in vain to dislodge about £1.67 from it's new hiding place amongst a graveyard of fluffy boiled sweets and yellowing parking tickets.
After cursing Ford, George Whatsit Gentleman's Outfitters, and every member of the Holy Trinity, Frank cursed himself. Not for losing the money - that could have happened to anyone, and wasn't really his fault - but for not remembering earlier the latest service offered at his local petrol station.
Now he'd remembered though, everything would be OK. Frank drove his Ford into the CarWobble, which looked a bit like a carwash except that the outer walls were pink and fluffy. He closed his car door, sensibly taking his can of cola and bag of pork scratchings with him, and walked through to the adjoining relaxation room.
He sat down in the fluffy pink vibrating massage chair, inserted his £5, and hit the big red button. As Frank's massage chair started wobbling, a set of four clamps held the wheels of his Ford to the ramp next door. With the hum of hydraulics, the car lifted from the floor, and turned gently 180 degrees until it was upside down. Next, the whole apparatus began to shake, car and owner wobbling together in a lovely separate synchronicity.
After a couple of minutes, the vibrating stopped, and a much more relaxed Frank sauntered over to his inverted vehicle. Collected on the roof were several polo mints, about £2.14 in change, those opera tickets he'd turned the house upside down for last month, and a pair of underpants which Frank swore he'd never seen before in his life.
He collected up the various possessions into the neat pink wobblebag, and returned to the safe distance of his vibrating chair. Pressing the red button again, the car gently righted, and the clamps released.
Yes, it had cost Frank £5 to gain £2.14 and a pair of manky old underpants, but it had been worth it.-- Fishrat, Aug 09 2006 Daft. +-- moomintroll, Aug 09 2006 much needed [+]-- pertinax, Aug 09 2006 Completely stupid [+]-- zen_tom, Aug 09 2006 Brilliant [+]
but...have you been following me or something? And I really had never seen those underpants before.-- Frankx, Aug 09 2006 These pants, they didn't happen to have a pole sticking out the front did they?-- zen_tom, Aug 09 2006 Properly halfbaked! [+]-- The_Englishman_Abroad, Aug 09 2006 I think I just had a junior highscool flashback. <hugs sock puppet a little tighter>-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Aug 09 2006 aa-aalll tt--tthhat shaking and aa-all I gggoott was an empty pack of rolling papers... [+]
oh, you mean I was supposed to get out of the car?-- xandram, Aug 09 2006 Could you have them play Jah Wobble in the Car Wobble?-- Frankx, Aug 09 2006 Genius! +-- energy guy, Aug 09 2006 Does the £5 include topping up the oil which comes out of the engine when it's upside down?-- hippo, Aug 10 2006 [fishy] you are one strange man (+).-- neilp, Aug 10 2006 Sure, there are plenty of reasons that this won't work (the aforementioned oil leakage, for one), but this is Halfbakery. [+]-- Freefall, Aug 10 2006 Bun time [+] That's why Dry Sump engines are good, m'kay kids... I found small change from Europe, North America, South America, and South-East Asia when I took the upholstery out of my car to put rear loudspeakers in...-- Azazello, Aug 11 2006 CarWobble backwards almost spells ElbowRack.-- wagster, Aug 11 2006 Nothing's better than some petrified floor fries.-- Mr Burns, Aug 11 2006 I have to say I was suspicious at first - I thought Frank might have been a friend of Jim. I was about to give up on the idea. Then I stayed. Intrigued by the story and started to empathise with Frank. In the end, Frank and his CarWobble earned a croissant.-- Jinbish, Aug 11 2006 Is there an associated service that for a few pounds more can identify strange petrified food products?-- Galbinus_Caeli, Aug 11 2006 I'm not sure why, but "pink and fluffy" seems necessary to successful implementation. Curious.-- sofacrat, Aug 12 2006 "Is there an associated service that for a few pounds more can identify strange petrified food products?"
Maybe if I'm really hungry, but it depends on how many pounds those petrified food products are going to add.
I suspect Frank will need to get his suspension system replaced. Cars aren't designed to be hung up-side-down by their wheels. Bun anyway.-- RayfordSteele, Aug 12 2006 <wagster saunters over to his inverted vehicle. Collected on the roof are a pound coin and seven coppers, a map of central London, a touring map of Ireland, a bluegrass cd, two packets of tissues, a small block of Wensleydale, a split bag of Campinos, a pair of jumper cables, a touch up pen (black), a map of the Sky allotment in Osterley, a pack of windscreen wipes, a joss stick (sandalwood), a mug bearing the insignia of the United States Air Force Concert Band, a bottle of white Bordeaux, a 40mm retaining bolt, a pair of clogs, two mice, a spark plug to fit a motorbike now owned by a frenchman, an antique binnacle compass, a picnic blanket, a swanee whistle, a left wellington boot (size 3), a kong, crayons (blue, red, purple), a brown cap without form, a ticket to Wanstead civic museum, a packet of sherbert dip-dab, four interestingly shaped stones, two parking fine wrappers, a pair of Lou Reed style wraparounds and a surprised pedigree boxer>-- wagster, Aug 12 2006 You found all of that? I just found an empty coke can and $ .38... I guess I shouldn't clean out my car as often so my semi-annual trips to the CarWobble would yeild more interesting fruit. But hopefully not real fruit. Just fries.-- Hunter79764, Aug 12 2006 My car is so nasty from food crumbs, insects, and apple cores that I would be afraid to see what falls to the ceiling.-- Jscotty, Aug 14 2006 There is no judgement at the CarWobble.-- pigtails_and_ponies, Aug 14 2006 Imagine finding nothing. I'm sure that would be worse.-- Fishrat, Aug 15 2006 True, true...-- Hunter79764, Mar 29 2007 What keeps the cars fluids from pouring all over the place?-- geo8rge, Mar 29 2007 Car fluids simply don't pour all over the place! Watch a car in an action movie that rolls -- no liquids anywhere! It's a safety thing. You MAY get windscreen wiper fluid leaking slightly -- but thats about it. Certainly no oil, petrol or brake fluid.-- britboy, Mar 29 2007 random, halfbakery