In The beginning, there was CSI. Then there was CSI: Miami. Then there was CSI: New York as well. Pretty soon, even the most remote, miserable, desolate location will have its own CSI franchise.
The next logical step is obviously CSI:Dadaab, set in North-Eastern Kenya. Obviously the budget will be a trifle less generous than the originals, but should none the less be able to keep the audience glued to their seats.
The gadgets and gimmicks may be rather less sophisticated; marvel at the stunning Kerosene Lamp, which allows the CSI team to work after sunset; the empty corn sack in which they can collect evidence; the sophisticated "stick" used for poking around in the dust and dirt; the all-metal high-tech "scissors", capable of cutting through up to one layer of clothing; and most of all, the amazing "shoes", which allow them to walk considerable distances without getting their feet cut to ribbons.
"What we got here, Doc ?"
"It's a tough one, and I haven't had the tox screen back yet, but based on the physical evidence - ten years old, mass a little under fifteen kilos, paper-thin skin, no musculature to speak of ... well, I'm going to go with my instinct, and call this one as starvation and malnutrition."
"Doc, you know what you're saying ? This one is eerily similar to the one we had earlier today, and the 23,486 before that. I'm afraid I'm starting to see a pattern ..."-- 8th of 7, Aug 20 2011 Imaginary Army Cost Counter http://www.calytrix.../news/newsitem/225/Count what you're not spending [AusCan531, Aug 22 2011] Does Assimilation count as marriage. http://www.ncsl.org...lt.aspx?tabid=16430 [mouseposture, Aug 22 2011] // The next logical step is obviously CSI:Dadaab //
Disagreed. Considering that CSI: Original Flavor (and so many others like it) came in on the coat-tails of Law & Order, I'd say the next logical step is the UK. CSI: Glastonbury, maybe?-- Alterother, Aug 20 2011 CSI: Maine--
David Caruso, donning sunglasses: "This was no accident; this motorcyclist was murdered! But how?"
Supporting cast member, holding tri-corder: "Tachyon readings indicate a recent temporal pulse. Do you think it was--"
David Caruso, removing sunglasses: "--a teleporting deer."
Cue theme.-- Alterother, Aug 21 2011 Come on [Alterother]; if you have this bio-teleportation technology on your doorstep, when are we going to see your half-baked device for harnessing it?-- pertinax, Aug 21 2011 bun [+]-- VJW, Aug 21 2011 Damn. Thought this was CSI Dada.-- mouseposture, Aug 21 2011 // if you have this bio-teleportation technology on your doorstep, when are we going to see your half-baked device for harnessing it? //
I'm working on it, but the deer are being stubborn in giving up the secrets. I may have to put the project on hold until winter; they're always a little more agreeable after hunting season is over.-- Alterother, Aug 21 2011 // I'm working on it //
Translation: "The only person in our tribe who understands fire and the use of edged tools is ill. We are all busy praying for their speedy recovery before Winter comes".-- 8th of 7, Aug 21 2011 That's it, Borg, I'm taking you off of the 'offer to trade' list and moving you 'raid and pillage.' Watch for our longboats in Liverpool four to six weeks from now!-- Alterother, Aug 21 2011 [8th of 7] Have you ever read/heard/seen any of the No 1 Ladies Detective Agency? Almost exactly as you suggest, only placed in Gaborone, Botswana.-- zen_tom, Aug 22 2011 // Longboats are going to have a hard time docking with a Borg cube... //
[21], this is actually a clever ruse. The Borg will rightly assume that the comment about Liverpool was deliberate misdirection, and thus will focus their attention on Slapton Sands instead. While they stare out to sea, waiting for our square sails to appear on the horizon, my 13th Heathen Raider Battalion will be stealthily deploying inside their perimeter via HALO jump...-- Alterother, Aug 22 2011 Slapton Sands would be the obvious target, of course. Having made one disastrous practice landing there, US doctrine required that the exercise is repeated several times to "iron out the bugs".
As Dwight Eisenhower said, "The American Army always arrives at the correct solution, having tried all the others first."-- 8th of 7, Aug 22 2011 The 13th is not affiliated with the US Armed Forces. They're an independent and largely imaginary paramilitary force probably best described as 'Viking commandos'.-- Alterother, Aug 22 2011 // not affiliated with the US Armed Forces //
So, they might be a serious threat after all ...
// Viking commandos //
OK ... part Boer, part Norwegian.
Strengths: Good horsemen, skilled sailors, tough, determined.
Weaknesses: Gloomy joyless protestant culture, obsession with fish, heavy drinkers, could be either short, stocky and dark, or very tall and blond, and almost certainly an unlovely combination of short arms and deep pockets.
Threat level: Undetermined.-- 8th of 7, Aug 22 2011 We're also working on an imaginary Heathen Armored Division, but we're having imaginary budget problems. It turns out that even fictitious tanks are very expensive to own and operate.
// part Norwegian //
[The Alterother] is of Swedish heritage, thank you very much. He also has some Orangeman Irish blood, thrown in just to make things really interesting.-- Alterother, Aug 22 2011 We hear that Bernard Madoff's got some time on his hands right now ....-- 8th of 7, Aug 22 2011 Here you go [Alterother]. The link I just posted will help you with all your imaginary invasion budgetary needs. Good company, good products. Watch those virtual bullets.-- AusCan531, Aug 22 2011 Uhhhh, you can use it too [8th]. I wouldn't want to pick sides here. I'm happy to supply advice and materiel to both sides in any conflict. At least until the outcome is clear.-- AusCan531, Aug 22 2011 [Aus] you are a Ferengi, and we claim our five bars of Gold-Pressed Latinum.-- 8th of 7, Aug 22 2011 No one is pressing my Latinum unless we're married. A boy has standards.-- AusCan531, Aug 22 2011 // married //
Does Assimilation count ?-- 8th of 7, Aug 22 2011 Depends. <link>-- mouseposture, Aug 22 2011 Sure, why not. When I was talking about standards i thought we were still playing Alterother's "imaginary things we have game." I must warn you I've never hegemonised before.-- AusCan531, Aug 22 2011 Yeah, right, we bet you say that to all the girls ...-- 8th of 7, Aug 22 2011 Saaayyy, if you can set up something which includes that 7th of 9 I'm all yours.-- AusCan531, Aug 23 2011 [AusCan531] will be shot as a collaborater.-- Alterother, Aug 23 2011 First a marriage proposal later followed by death threats. Some things never change. sighhh-- AusCan531, Aug 23 2011 I just tried and found that Dadaab is quite a catchy riff.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 25 2011 random, halfbakery