There are some skills in life which set people apart from the common herd. The talent to play a musical instrument well; an adeptness at sculpture or pyrotechnics; a creative wit; a suave sophisticated bearing; or the ability to wiggle one's ears.
Sadly, I am not able to wiggle my ears, at least not without using my hands or a motorized cap, which detracts from the effect.
Now, I know that I have ear-wiggling muscles - pretty much everyone has. I know also that they are enervated and connected to some dusty corner of my motor cortex.
I know also that, if I could manage that first tentative twitch, I would be able to practice ear-wiggling until I was proficient almost to the point of self-propulsion.
But, with no visible manifestation of my efforts, there is no starting point, nothing on which to build and improve.
Therefore, I would like to propose an aid for all those people who share my affliction.
Since the ear-wiggling muscles (or, to use the anatomical term, the dextral and sinistral dolor ut permissum vos crispico auribus vestris) lie just beneath a fairly thin layer of skin, it should be a matter of a few moments' work with some tin foil and superglue to rig up electrodes which can pick up the faintest stirrings of activity - myogenic ripples which are too weak and uncoordinated to achieve actual wiggling.
With a suitable audio feedback, it is my unquenchable belief that even the most non-ear-wiggling person will soon learn to control these muscles, to the point where motion can be perceived.
As an added aid, drinking straws glued to the backs of the ears will quiver at the first signs of auricular flexion, providing an additional visual feedback in front of the mirror.
No longer will you be unjustly held back in life, and no longer will you suffer from auricular immobility.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 15 2011 Necomimi http://www.youtube....watch?v=w06zvM2x_lwMuch as described [csea, Oct 15 2011] Cosmo Lavish http://www.facebook...001980704409&type=1Fictional inventor of something not entirely unrelated. [Alterother, Oct 15 2011, last modified Oct 17 2011] See [link] for state-of-the-art external ear wiggling.-- csea, Oct 15 2011 The linked product is highly covetable. However, I would have to point out that there was not a lot of wiggling going on. A wiggle, as I understand it, has to consist of at least three consecutive reciprocal movements evenly spaced within a time interval of less than two seconds. The wearer in the video managed a waggle, but that's well short of a wiggle.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 15 2011 Or was it a shimmy?-- swimswim, Oct 15 2011 Vaguely similar to the eyebrow-arch training device invented by Cosmo Lavish. <linkish>-- Alterother, Oct 15 2011 'Cosmo Lavish' is a wonderful name for a moustache, although the face it is wearing is a distraction.-- MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 15 2011 You may want to check with your lawyer before naming your mustache 'Cosmo Lavish' if you intend to use your mustache for commercial porpoises.-- Alterother, Oct 15 2011 I too have spent countless hours of childhood in front of a mirror, hoping for the same.
The ear-wigglers recieved so much attention for thier special abilities, whereas I, unembraced and ignored, dedicated my life to death and destruction.
[+]-- MikeD, Oct 16 2011 Shirley this would ultimately devalue the wiggle to those who are naturally talented?-- mitxela, Oct 17 2011 //devalue the wiggle to those who are naturally talented//
<M. Burns Voice>
Excellent.
</MBV>-- MikeD, Oct 17 2011 random, halfbakery