Having flown a lot in the last 12 months, I've been applying my nasty, twisted mind to ways air travel can be improved.

Rather than insist on the largely useless seatbelts provided, I think a harness similar to a backpack, with the loop side of Velcro facing outward, to contact the hook surface on the seat back, would be ideal.

Then all passengers are safely seated and snug even if the 'plane were to somehow end up upside down for a bit. The harness would act more like a pilot's harness and less like a waist-level guillotine in the event of a err... sudden stop.

Of course, there's also the amusement value of a massive, sustained farting noise as everyone gets up to exit the aircraft.
-- UnaBubba, Jan 13 2013

Airplane airbags http://en.wikipedia...ki/Airplane_airbags
[Klaatu, Jan 17 2013]

Amsafe GA airbags http://www.amsafe.c...n/seatbelt-airbags/
The airlines just need to catch up with GA "In service since 2001, nearly 80% of new general aviation aircraft have the AmSafe Seatbelt Airbag system installed as new equipment." [Klaatu, Jan 17 2013]

[Ubie]!!!!! I.... noticed you weren't here.

So, Velcro the passengers into their seats? Yes, but how does the restraining force of Velcro compare to that of a seatbelt? And, if the force is sufficiently adequate, shirley the passengers will not be able to get out of their seats at all?
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 13 2013


// The harness would act more like a pilot's harness and less like a waist-level guillotine in the event of a err... sudden stop //

The option of providing the cattle with proper 4- or 5-point harnesses like wot pilots get has obviously not occurred to you ...
-- 8th of 7, Jan 13 2013


In 98% of aircraft incidents, a lapbelt provides adequate restraint. In 98% of the remaining 2% of incidents, it really doesn't matter.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 13 2013


It had occurred to me, [8th]. I just couldn't see how little old ladies wouldn't choke themselves in a 5- point harness.
-- UnaBubba, Jan 13 2013


What about regular 3-point inertia reels? Shirley that would be easy enough for most people to use and provide better protection than a lap belt (or velcro).
-- DIYMatt, Jan 14 2013


3-point inertia reels probably would work better, [DIYMatt], but that would take away the awesome noise of 150-300 people tearing their arses off the seats all at once, after landing.
-- UnaBubba, Jan 14 2013


I think that if all passengers got up at the same time it would sound less like a giant fart and more like the end of the world. Massively funny, although 1 or 2 heart attacks per flight would probably be the average due to unexpecting passengers with poor heart conditions.

I'm going to [+] it just for the image of passengers doing all sorts of contortionist trying to pull themselves free.
-- PauloSargaco, Jan 14 2013


^Have you flown recently? Most passengers can hardly pry themselves out of the seats to begin with.
-- DIYMatt, Jan 14 2013


I can't say that's my experience. In reality it's quite the opposite. The plane has barely touched the tarmac and people start standing up like jacks-in-the-box. Perhaps you got a flight with an unusual amount of overweight passengers?
-- PauloSargaco, Jan 14 2013


I still contend that, if the velcro can be parted by the effort of standing up, then it will underadequate as a restraint in the event of an impact event.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 14 2013


You know, [MB], it doesn't really matter. I fly several thousand kilometres each week, all over land. However, the bimbos... sorry, flight attendants, always show us how to use inflatable life vests.

They must know it's an absolutely pointless exercise, given the survival rates for airline crashes but they keep doing the "mile high mime".
-- UnaBubba, Jan 14 2013


" I fly several thousand kilometres each week, all over land."

What are your favorite airlines? Which has the prettiest flight attendants?

For me it was China Air.
-- Kansan101, Jan 14 2013


I usually don't bother looking at the flight attendants. They're all trying so hard to be beautiful and aloof that you just know they cost more in maintenance than the aircraft do.

I fly Virgin or Qantas.
-- UnaBubba, Jan 14 2013


// prettiest flight attendants //

Interesting sense of priorities ... a more pragmatic view would possibly favour "most skilled and diligent maintainers" or "best trained and most experienced pilots".
-- 8th of 7, Jan 14 2013


I base my decision on reported safety record and the airline's ability to keep their 'planes on schedule.
-- UnaBubba, Jan 14 2013


Anyone can contemplate anything at any time.
-- rcarty, Jan 14 2013


I couldn't possibly contemplate some things, [rcarty].
-- UnaBubba, Jan 14 2013


I thought China Air already had Velcro, but then I realised it was a large group of people sucking their teeth.

It's the only airline that I know that turns a blind eye to smoking in the toilet...
-- Ling, Jan 17 2013


probably a better way, would be to use the existing set-up, but with pilot-controlled buckle releases. There's always some fool who unbuckles as soon as the attendants have checked and moved on, so eliminating this would eliminate 1x 200lb sack of bones flying around the cabin in a crash scenario.

Also useful for restraining the unruly... they could be individually controlled.
-- bs0u0155, Jan 17 2013


Returning to the still-unadressed problem of Velcro failing to hold passengers firmly enough whilst still allowing them to peel themselves off the seats...

Custard is the obvious answer, as with so many things in life.

We are used to the fact that custard becomes solid in the face of a sudden impact, but it also becomes solid in the face of a sudden tension.

It is also worth reminding people that vibrating massage seats are increasingly common.

So.

As each passenger is seated, the stewardess switches on their vibrating seat, and pours a generous amount of custard down their back. The custard will insinuate itself between the passenger's back and the seatback, and will remain in place thanks to the shear forces imposed by the vibrations.

In the event of sudden cabin motion (eg, a crash), the custard's firm grip will only be strengthened.

After a safe landing, the vibrating seat can be turned off, and the passenger will be able to slowly rise from their seat.

As a bonus, in the event of a combustive crash, the rescuers will have hot custard.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 17 2013


[marked-for-title]
-- FlyingToaster, Jan 17 2013


I think it would be trivial to make an inertia-reel seat belt using custard. The advantage being that there'd be plenty to eat in the inevitable desert-island crash scenario.
-- bs0u0155, Jan 17 2013



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