Pakistan telecom is planning to ban 1600 dirty words. I had a look at the list because Pakistan has done us a great public service by creating this compilation. Thank you to the officials who worked *harder* than ever before.
Now we can finally have some fun. It's a game. Create legitimate, non-dirtly looking text message that gives you the highest ban points. Please provide clean context to prove that it's clean. Here is how you calculate your score. Score = Number of banned words in a sentence (without dipping below 33% banned to total ratio)

I'll go first:
stopped on *red light*, when he tried to *snatch* my *deposit* book and *kmart* *jugs*. *Jugs* spilled, creating a *wet spot*
(context: "describing what happened on my way to run some errands. I did some shopping and was just about to head to the bank", score = 7, ratio = 7/20 = 35%)

I'm SURE you'll beat my high score.

Little detail. Phrases count as 1 word even though they may consist of multiple words.

Pakistani players: You can also play this game on your cell phones over SMS. Just be to sure to prepend each blocked word by "shit". (ex. stopped on shitred light at shitkmart, when he tried to shitsnatch my shitdeposit book and shitjugs) .. system only catches perfect matches, so you'll be fine. I'm actually jealous of you because if there is ever a dispute whether a particular word is truly blocked, you can just send it to the automated referee system. If it gets blocked on the way - it's fair game. Everyone else has to use the official word list instead ... which is a huge hassle.
-- ixnaum, Nov 20 2011

Official word list https://docs.google...NjZk&hl=en_GB&pli=1
If it's not on the list, it's not banned (assume space before and after a match .. no sub-string matches allowed) [ixnaum, Nov 20 2011]

Background article http://www.pcmag.co...2817,2396659,00.asp
[ixnaum, Nov 20 2011]

Almost (but not quite) as stupid as this http://www.dumblaws.com/
This is an idea for a funny game, making fun of another culture. It's also an invitation to take the piss, not piss on, other cultures. [zeno, Nov 21 2011]

For some reason this idea reminds me of an XKCD cartoon http://xkcd.com/168/
[hippo, Nov 22 2011]

I must say I sort of agree with banning the word 'looser'. As in "Anybody who doesn't like the Halfbakery is a looser."

If you wish to convey a message about something which is less tight than something else, I'm sorry but you'll just have to find another antonym. Unfortunate collateral damage - but it is for the greater good.

Looking forward to [ixnaum]'s contest. [+]
-- AusCan531, Nov 20 2011


I note that life will be made difficult for any French people who are allowed out to go to Pakistan. "Oui" is banned.

(On the other hand, maybe they know what they're doing in banning the French "oui").
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 21 2011


[+] I can't think of a clean thing to say!!
(don't believe they banned *big butt*!!) I guess I can say that person smoked half a ciggie and left a big butt!
-- xandram, Nov 21 2011


Apparently nobody is allowed to urinate in Pakistan anymore. Bugger, that's about the only thing its good for.
-- RayfordSteele, Nov 21 2011


The ban is a phucking stupid idea, and clearly the qunts and diquads who thought of it have misunderestimated the ingenuity of the texting generation.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 21 2011


sp:565 JESUS CHIRST
sp:953 SMAGMA
1072-1074 blank! obviously too bad to even list in the banned word list.

There is no hope for them.
-- Ling, Nov 21 2011


AOL had a go at this back when they were trying to plaster the world with CDs. It was not a big success.

Banning the word breast, for example, prevented people from talking about breast cancer and looking for embedded rude words forbid people to come from the genuine English city of Scunthorpe.

It seems that Pakistan expects most rude words to come from America (note the use of "ass" rather than "arse", for example).
-- Aristotle, Nov 21 2011


So, ASSFUCKER is banned, but ARSEFUCKER is not?

FUCKWITS.
-- infidel, Nov 21 2011


I wonder if Pakistan Telecom is being pressured by government boobs. I can't help but think the average Pakistani guy-in-the-street just laughs at this... [+]
-- Grogster, Nov 21 2011


Even funnier, BEASTIALITY is banned, but BESTIALITY isn't. LOOSERS!
-- infidel, Nov 22 2011


[ASS_KISSER_Quest]'s idea is excellent*, and also an invertible transformation. It's going to be the new rot-ASS_COWBOY.

* No sarcasm here.
-- mouseposture, Nov 22 2011


//LOOSERS!// Okay [infidel]. You're on MY list now.
-- AusCan531, Nov 22 2011


The word handicap recently became verboten here. Golfers are not gonna like it.
-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Nov 22 2011


Help! I'm having a *stroke*
The rusty *joint* on my *back door* making it *harder* to open. Try *banging* at the front.
Is a *screw* inside my four *stroke* engine causing a *banging* noise?
That dog was gonna *bite me*
We *laid* a flower at the grave.
Let us pray under the *dome* of a mosque
don't forget your sun tan *lotion*
I saw a wood *pecker* today
Your criticism of the filtering system is *premature*

... and I still can't figure out what makes "Neon Deon" so offensive.
-- ixnaum, Nov 22 2011


This reminds me of XKCD's "reverse euphemisms" (link)
-- hippo, Nov 22 2011


I think 21Q is right. The numbers will become the words.
-- DrBob, Nov 22 2011


//And then carnal numbers will be banned.//

You can be as sure as 14633032/16781 that some sqrt910116 will find a way round that.
-- MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 22 2011


// Even funnier, BEASTIALITY is banned, but BESTIALITY isn't. LOOSERS! //

Especially remarkable given that certain acts of bestiality are not outlawed there. There is a short list of animals that are considered acceptable, er, companions. This list includes pigeons. I'm not sure how one goes about doing it with a pigeon, but if anyone wishes to figure it out, Pakistan is a good place to start, I guess.
-- Alterother, Nov 22 2011


It was because LOOSERS is on the list. Strangely enough LOSERS isn't on it. Those crazy, crazy Pakis.
-- infidel, Nov 22 2011


Instead of numbers, alphabetize a list of names of Pakistani bureaucrats...
-- lurch, Nov 22 2011


That won't work, [lurch]. Half of them are Mohammed and the other half are Khan.
-- infidel, Nov 22 2011


Yes, great for being vague. But there's still the Ellahis and Fahims and Hayats and Watoos and Ghauris and Chandios and Awans and Jamalis... it'd suffice.
-- lurch, Nov 22 2011



random, halfbakery