Beads of sweat are glistening on your forehead in the reflection of the golden idol before you. Careful now adventurer. There are deadly dart guns in the walls aimed at you and a huge boulder clinging ominously to the chute above your muddied leather fedora, all poised and ready to reap murderous ancient revenge upon hapless tomb-raiding plunderers such as yourself. No, put that bag of sand away, I'm serious. This is actually really dangerous. You might die.
Now, open your satchel - you'll notice I packed the Automatic Bag-a-sand™ for you. Take it out, unfold the extendible frame and construct a scaffold over the idol, securing the clamps to anything attached to the ground, or the ground itself. Then, carefully pull down the claw clamp from the mechanism above and, really carefully, attach it, carefully, to the idol. Extend the pressure pad down to lightly touch the pedestal's surface. Now stand back and flick the remote control.
As you can see, as the idol is leaned off its pedestal the pressure pad exerts more pressure on to the platform. The clamp and pressure pad are linked inside the mechanism above to always counterbalance each other. As one lifts the other pushes with the same force. By the time the idol has been lifted the Auto Bag-a-sand™ is pushing down with the same pressure as the idol had done previously. Then the pressure locks in place allowing you to retrieve the idol and not be cut in half by inconceivably sharp - motorised! - ancient circular saws.
Now grab the idol and leg it son! There's pygmies a-coming!
_____________
The ABaS can also be used to (a) push switches down the end of insect infested shafts, (2) shoved into the spokes of a nazi's motorcycle wheel and (iii) attached to a biplane-mounted machine gun extending the barrel's length to ensure your Dad can't shoot the tail out.
See illustration <linky>-- theleopard, Sep 27 2007 That was never gonna work pal http://content.answ...ndianagrabsidol.jpg [theleopard, Sep 27 2007] so, you are a garden gnome nicker? http://www.home-ins...uk/garden-theft.php [po, Sep 27 2007] Obligatory illustration http://i36.tinypic.com/11wd2t5.jpgNo leopard-skinned idea is complete without one. [theleopard, Sep 28 2007, last modified Oct 02 2009] Pedant man http://www.nitpicke...s/nitpick.cgi?np=52Any site called nitpickers is just fine with me. [theleopard, Oct 02 2007] There is no possible reason to bone this idea. Bun by default.-- Noexit, Sep 27 2007 Go back a hundred years later. Use the new improved model to steal the avatar of the mighty metal deity ADDOBAGASSANDE that the natives have been worshiping in the meantime.
Repeat.-- GutPunchLullabies, Sep 27 2007 Does it cost £1,000?-- zen_tom, Sep 27 2007 I assume the downwards pressure remains 'locked', allowing you to remove the idol from the ABaS without the onset of darts etc.
Seems kind of pointless otherwise. [+]-- Texticle, Sep 27 2007 sp: o
unless you are really bagging a sand in which case I'm confused.-- dentworth, Sep 27 2007 [21], we're both right, it's one of those "two nations separated by a common language" things.
Same with the 'a', at least in Northern England. Like, "Bag a shite." You wouldn't go around saying, "Bag-o-shite" now would you? Well you could, but you'd be beaten up by pygmies.
And yes, it locks itself in position <now Edited>. Sorry, I forgot to iterate that point! Unfortunately it's kind of a one use appliance - at least after you've used it for the idol swipe.
[Frank], thanks for the begrudging bun. Made me laugh did that.-- theleopard, Sep 27 2007 Nice illustration mr leopard.-- skinflaps, Sep 28 2007 Muchos gracias!-- theleopard, Sep 28 2007 that is a killer illustration. well done. [+] for the idea and the art.-- bleh, Sep 28 2007 Thanks [bleh].
[noexit], you were saying..? Heh heh.-- theleopard, Sep 28 2007 Ha ha ha (+)-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, Oct 01 2007 I was plundering ancient relics from a forgotten tomb complex at the weekend actually - I could have done with one of these.-- hippo, Oct 01 2007 The pedant man... pedant... pedant... the pedant man kneels before God.
KNEEL!!!!-- theleopard, Oct 02 2007 who's the 'pedant man?'-- k_sra, Oct 02 2007 You get a bun from me for the arrows pointing to "Science"-- BunsenHoneydew, Oct 03 2007 //You get a bun from me for the arrows pointing to "Science" //
I think thats what pushed me over the edge too.-- bleh, Oct 03 2007 Jonesy, Jonesy, Jonesy! When will you ever learn!?
//who's the 'pedant man'//.... I think it's actually the "repentatant man who shall only pass" not the "pedant man".-- quantum_flux, Dec 28 2007 "Repentatant" isn't a word though. It's "penitent" in the film, and in the fable, which I thought was sufficiently close enough to "pedant" to warrant a joke.
Apparently however, I was wrong. Swing and a miss!-- theleopard, Dec 28 2007 random, halfbakery