He's in there. You can here him. A scurry across the counter, scratching on the cupboard door, the horrible, horrible sound of chewing. The turds you can handle--a paper towel and a bottle of disinfectant spray take care of that. The noises you can ignore--turn the volume on the TV up one notch. But the thought of one of these dirty little rodents touching you, running across your foot, up your leg--this is horror in its deepest form. Sadly, now that you know there are mice in the kitchen, you will starve to death because you refuse to enter the kitchen as long as the possibility of coming into contact with a mouse remains.
Too bad you didn't buy any mouse stilts the last time you were at K-Mart! If you had, you could calmly step onto the stilts and prance about the kitchen without the fear of touching vermin of any sort.
"But mice can climb up things like stilts," protests the skeptic. Not if the stilts are made out of a smooth, round pipe (tipped with rubber for manageability) and fitted with a rodent-frustrating plastic bell just beneath the foot (similar to those placed over bird feeders to keep squirrels out). The mouth of the bell faces down so that any mouse attempting an attack will be deflected back down to the ground.
"Why not buy a mousetrap?" asks the pragmatist. The mouse is a living being, too! We don't want the poor thing to die--we just don't want it to touch us. Ever. This way, we can live peaceably--separate but equal.-- Twenty Dollar Duck, Oct 28 2006 Mice are the new low carb diet.-- daseva, Oct 28 2006 In normal circumstances aren't rats just as clean or dirty as the family dog or cat? And there are humane traps to catch them to be released later.
You know what I think? I think you want to wear stilts in your kitchen and your mate won't let you. Now you are trying to get a bunch of people to agree with you so you can show her/him what a great idea it is.
You know what I also think? It is a great idea and I'm going to give you a bun in the hopes that your dream of wearing stilts in the kitchen will come true.-- NotTheSharpestSpoon, Oct 29 2006 not the ones that attack you like paratroopers from the ceiling.-- po, Oct 29 2006 <looks at eight feet long skin of very poisonous Eastern Brown Snake found in Consul's garage two days ago>
Mice? We dreeeeaaaam of havin' mice!
<laEBS/>-- ConsulFlaminicus, Oct 29 2006 I agree with [NTSS], this is some stilt fetish. I have an empty kitchen drawer dedicated to catching mice only. Maybe [GumBob] would like to visit, there's usually a mouse in the drawer at any given moment at this time of year.-- xandram, Oct 29 2006 I wonder what a stilt fetish would really look like. Would you wear them to bed? Would you have to get a car to accomodate? There could be parties for stilters in cathedrals, stilts-only dances (no skanking without signing a waiver), stilters' windows at the ice cream stand (like the double level of turnpike tickets for cars and trucks) . . . oh, the possibilities! I didn't have a stilt fetish before--I really was just getting tired of feeling constant tension about walking into my mouse-infested kitchen--but I think I'd like to develop one now.-- Twenty Dollar Duck, Oct 30 2006 Those are some mighty nice stiletto f**k me stilts you got there, big boy. Your tree house or mine?-- NotTheSharpestSpoon, Oct 30 2006 [xandram], I was originally implying that mice will curb eating through fear, but eating mice instead of potato chips and ho-hos may be just as effective.-- daseva, Oct 30 2006 //I was hoping these would be short stilts with spikes on, for cats to wear. That way they could run about, spiking mice with their stilts.//
What an odd thing to hope for. In all the world of things to long for, this is what you desire? First a newly found stilt fetish and now a strange desire for stilt wearing ninja cats stabbing rodents.
This web site has a strange power. Beware!-- NotTheSharpestSpoon, Oct 30 2006 The moral purpose of things is in peril.-- daseva, Oct 30 2006 you'd need another pair of sticks to manoeuvre the dead mice off your stilts without touching them, UB.-- po, Oct 30 2006 These could also blow air out the bottom with force, so that no mouse could get close enough to you to climb up you. That would work against spiders and centipedes too.-- phundug, Oct 30 2006 random, halfbakery