If you want to protect your garden from rabbits, all you have to do are two things: Eat meat, and urinate around the edges of the garden. Animal noses are sensitive enough to detect that a meat-eater did the pee-ing, and rabbits are wary enough to use that information to stay away from the garden. They instinctively know that they are the kind of meat that might get eaten, after all!
Ever since I first read about the preceding, years and years ago, I've wondered what other meat-eating animals think about such a "pee barrier". Will they take it as, "Oh, boy, a challenge!"?
However, this Idea assumes that if the pee contains the "right" ingredient, then even wolves will not want to mess with whatever critter marked that territory.
For starters, I will suppose that a concentrated form of urine might suffice. So, what you do is keep eating meat, and accumulate your pee in a freezer bag. At intervals you process the accumulation in a vacuum system to draw off perhaps two-thirds the water, and store the condensed urine in the freezer separately.
When you have enough, you let it melt and fill your high-pressure water gun with it. Use that to mark your territory.
If you are daring, you might take your gun with you into the woods, seeking some wolves. When they find you, you can learn all about how they respond to having their faces sprayed from long range, eyes and noses especially!
If concentrated urine isn't effective, then some research is obviously needed, to find the right additive that will make those wolves run away as fast as they can, with their tails between their legs.
Ideally, you want this to work against all predators, including lions, tigers, bears, wolverines, ....-- Vernon, May 02 2012 Urea Heap http://www.uriah-heep.com/newa/index.phpproduct produced in a factory processesing nuts [4whom, May 02 2012] You're a-peein' http://wwp.greenwic...union/map/index.htm [normzone, May 02 2012] Silent Roar http://www.silentroaronline.com/Lovely stuff. [8th of 7, May 02 2012] Lumbergh: Ahh, I'm also guano need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday, too...-- 4whom, May 02 2012 // I've wondered what other meat-eating animals think about such a "pee barrier". Will they take it as, "Oh, boy, a challenge!"? //
No, they won't. For many years, I have successfully kept bears, coyotes, foxes, etc. away from my rabbit hutches and garbage shed by urinating in a wide perimeter around my home. It doesn't take much, I go out once or twice a week and pick a new spot. Not to be gross or anything, but last summer when I was immobilized after the motorcycle crash, predators were starting to investigate my rabbits, so I collected my urine in a jar and The Good Fairy Jenny went out to distribute it.-- Alterother, May 02 2012 Besides eating meat and urinating, the fact that the Good Fairy Jenny had to take your piss out to the shrubbery gives me a fair idea where the real testes.
Meaning urinating and eating meat might be enough to scare off your herbivores, but a healthy dose of testosterone in your golden shower will help to scare off the bigger fish, so to speak. That brings me to another point. What exactly are they going to do with this Dutch swimmer's body? He must have enough testosterone mimics in his body to kickstart a hefer auction. Maybe we can purchase some of this "gold", in the interests of science.-- 4whom, May 02 2012 Now you're the one taking the piss.-- Alterother, May 02 2012 A natural for a green'ish home that sequesters urine... wonder if there's a shelf-life.-- FlyingToaster, May 02 2012 I think the shelf life of the urine is not important. It is quite long because urine is quite happy to be urine, and it is low pH, so not many things like growing there. More importantly, for chasing away predatory animals, is how long the hormones last in urine before denaturing. I think that is only a few days. I stand to be corrected.-- 4whom, May 02 2012 // a healthy dose of testosterone //
I see what you mean now. I thought it was a rather clever 'who wears the pants' joke. Now that I understand, it makes the pun even more cleverer.-- Alterother, May 02 2012 Somebody should tell Norway, Sweden, and Finland to cover themselves up.-- RayfordSteele, May 02 2012 I wonder if it would still work dehydrated and stored in powdered form? and if so, for how long?-- 2 fries shy of a happy meal, May 02 2012 // you might take your gun with you into the woods, seeking some wolves. Whey they find you, you can learn all about how they respond to having their faces sprayed from long range, eyes and noses //
Water gun? Long range = 8 - 10 metres.
If you're within 10 metres of a wild wolf and it hasn't high-tailed it out of there, you're in some serious trouble. You'd better have something like a M1911 on your hip, and know how to use it too, or you're not going to see another sunrise.-- 8th of 7, May 02 2012 As a corollary idea, I have often thought there might be a market for collecting urine from the mega predators in zoos. (runoff rather than catheters I think). Sprinkling a little panther piss around the perimeter of your yard might give the local prowling tomcats second thoughts about where they roam looking for love.-- AusCan531, May 02 2012 run off is about right...But not a bad idea. I think they were doing it in these here parts, and if they aren't, they should look into it.-- 4whom, May 02 2012 >collecting urine from the mega predators in zoos.
Ok, you can be the one to try inserting the catheter...<hurriedly puts on ear protection to drown out the screaming>
But seriously, tried getting some tiger dung out of UK zoos, and not a single reply to any of the letters, I don't know why..-- not_morrison_rm, May 02 2012 Interestingling, bears are warded off by how high the urine is deposited up the tree's trunk. Well some bears, at least.-- 4whom, May 02 2012 'Teddy Bears' Big Shit' now copied to my personal archives.-- Alterother, May 02 2012 Of course, if Vernon were to personally consume the flesh of all the top predators such as lions, tigers, wolverines, bears etc., his urine would define him as THE ultra-super- mega-predator and even a rabid grizzly would think twice about approaching his garden to nibble on lettuce. There even might be a mail order business opportunity here.-- AusCan531, May 02 2012 // even a rabid grizzly would think twice //
When this postulation is tested, will tickets be sold?-- Alterother, May 02 2012 If so, we will pay top dollar.
// tried getting some tiger dung out of UK zoos, and not a single reply to any of the letters, I don't know why //
A while ago, it was possible to buy lion dung in the UK under the brand name "Silent Roar" - very effective for keeping unwanted fauna off the garden, particularly cats.
You've probably just been outbid. You have to offer to pay postage and packing, at least.
Then again, you could volunteer to go into the enclosure yourself with the tiger and collect the stuff. The staff would probably love to watch that, particularly if it's been a while since feeding time. Received wisdom has it that well -fed tigers aren't aggressive, but do you want to trust your life to what some bloke down the pub told you ?-- 8th of 7, May 02 2012 Under who's auspice?-- 4whom, May 02 2012 // auspice //
That's one of those places you go to die, right ?-- 8th of 7, May 02 2012 Wouldn't it be simpler for [Vernon] to just drink a litre or so of lion or tiger piss, then redistribute that around his garden?-- UnaBubba, May 03 2012 I thought that too [UB] but figured mentioning it would be 'bad taste'.-- AusCan531, May 03 2012 I'm pretty sure it would be that. I was at a circus about 15 years ago, when one of the performing tigers squatted and pissed all over a section of the crowd.
The smell was truly horrendous. So glad I was well away from the "beaten zone".-- UnaBubba, May 03 2012 // even a rabid grizzly would think twice // When this postulation is tested, will tickets be sold?
<reaches for the ear protection again>
// You've probably just been outbid. You have to offer to pay postage and packing, at least. Look, even I'm not that tight I won't offer to pay postage..I was just wondering if it'd protect the postie carrying it from dogs?-- not_morrison_rm, May 03 2012 I wonder how vegetarians manage pest control.Or is this just Darwin's way of telling you to eat meat?-- AbsintheWithoutLeave, May 03 2012 //I wonder how vegetarians manage pest control//
Most pests are quite tasty.-- UnaBubba, May 03 2012 thus the question.-- FlyingToaster, May 03 2012 It might be that umami corresponds to a scent. If so, MSG is the additive you seek.-- nineteenthly, May 03 2012 // Or is this just Darwin's way of telling you to eat meat? //
"Eat up your vegetarians, they're good for you"-- 8th of 7, May 03 2012 If testosterone is an appropriate additive, then what I wrote in the main text, about making concentrated urine, might suffice, without actually needing to add that hormone (unless you happen to be female).
The main reason I mentioned "freezing" is exactly to deal with unknowns about the shelf-life of the room-temperature stuff.-- Vernon, May 03 2012 I tried to get a vegetarian pizza for dinner recently, but they'd run out of them.-- UnaBubba, May 03 2012 I think the main problem animals have is that they are made of food.
Now if the creator had been really thinking about it, he'd have made them out of silicone or something, they wouldn't have half the problems...-- not_morrison_rm, May 04 2012 The colonists of Janus VI would beg to disagree.-- nineteenthly, May 04 2012 You can't provoke a Horta without breaking eggs …-- 8th of 7, May 04 2012 You can't collect all of the drug money without breaking legs.-- UnaBubba, May 04 2012 >You can't collect all of the drug money without breaking legs.
I had to give that profession up, I could never remember if it was their legs, or mine? I tell you, it's tough being absent minded.-- not_morrison_rm, May 06 2012 That's why so many dealers are millipedes.-- nineteenthly, May 06 2012 random, halfbakery