Aerating lawns, by spiking them with a garden fork or a specialized machine is supposedly good for their health.
Doing this by hand with a normal garden fork is back-breaking, and using a aerating machine requires lugging a machine to and from a hire shop.
Instead, just place a call to your aerial gardening service (the same company who provide crop spraying aircraft for larger areas) and they will send round a helicopter with a mounted heavy machine gun which fires a torrent of iron bullets into your lawn, leaving lots of foot-deep holes for your soil to breathe.
As an alternative service for the budget-conscious, the helicopter can fly at a higher altitude and a volunteer from the local gun club can use your lawn as target practice.
Keep pets and children indoors during the aeration.-- Srimech, Dec 09 2008 Pyrotechnic Planting Pyrotechnic_20plantingShameless Self-promotion [csea, Dec 09 2008] A good prelude to Pyrotechnic Planting [link]. +-- csea, Dec 09 2008 Oh yes, i'd apply for that job! "Wanted: Machinegun operator for aerating lawns. Training provided."-- superjohn, Dec 10 2008 Biodegradable bullets would be a better idea.-- hippo, Dec 10 2008 Didn't we do 50 cal tree planting a few years back?-- coprocephalous, Dec 10 2008 But iron is biodegradable.-- Srimech, Dec 10 2008 If the gas suppy piping runs uder the lawn, this could be REALLY spectacular .... [+]-- 8th of 7, Dec 10 2008 random, halfbakery