As the below recorded instructions play, the stewardess will mime all the associated actions.
"Hello and thank you for flying Remulac3 Airlines. Your money is important to us, so we want to increase your chances of survival in the... we'll call it, "unlikely" (stewardess makes air quotes) event of an emergency"
"Once the captain is aware of an emergency, he will indicate the status of the situation over the intercom by screaming "OH MY GOD! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" (stewardess holds head in hands and mouths what the captain is saying) That fat pig sitting next to you is going to block your exit (stewardess puffs out cheeks and extends stomach while waddling in place) so it's important to climb over them before they can dig into that disgusting fat roll to find their seatbelt buckle.
Now your stewardess is going to demonstrate some basic hand to hand combat techniques to clear the aisle. Depending on your physical size, you may need to strike more sensitive areas of people in your path. These would include the groin, eyes and stomach. If you're big enough you may be able to utilize headlocks and body slams to safely clear the path to the exit.
Once you've exited the plane and are in the life raft, it's important to disengage it before anybody else can get on, especially those fat people we warned you about earlier. Pull the red cable and continue to engage those trying to climb aboard.
Also note, first class passengers will be given survival priority so all you proles shut up and wait your turn.
Thank you for watching, because at Remulac3 Airlines, we "care". (stewardess does the air quotes again)-- doctorremulac3, Feb 11 2021 Proles https://en.wikipedi...neteen_Eighty-Four)Otherwise known as "coach", "steerage", or most accurately "cattle class" ... [8th of 7, Feb 11 2021] [+]
"Those of you in First Class have been assigned personal Ninjas to clear the proles out of your way, and keep them back with impressive swordplay while you don the lifejacket and/or parachute in the concealed locker in your private washroom ..."
Hmmm, combined lifejacket and parachute harness ?-- 8th of 7, Feb 11 2021 "Those of you in Ultra Executive Class will notice a brief moment of discomfort as the B58 Hustler-style encapsulation process initiates. Fortunately, for your convenience, the in-flight entertainment & mini-bar is replicated inside. In the event of an emergency, channel 23 will broadcast the flaming descent of the remainder of the aircraft"-- bs0u0155, Feb 11 2021 // prolls //
Sp. "proles" ... proletariat.
<link>-- 8th of 7, Feb 11 2021 A hybrid of proles and trolls ? Sounds like what you'd get if [xenzag] and [kdf] had a child together ...
<Ponders/>
<Sound of screaming and receding running boots/>-- 8th of 7, Feb 11 2021 Corrected. Thanks?-- doctorremulac3, Feb 11 2021 random, halfbakery