During the current corona virus crisis two things have become apparent:
no one wants to handle money and toilet paper has become a rare commodity.

This leaves us with empty shelves in the supermarket but ATM machines that are filled with cash.

Combining both of these brings us to the idea for the ATPM.
The initials here stand for Automatic Toilet Paper Machine.

ATMs are everywhere, and given that their main function is to dispense sheets of paper, an easily achieved modification sees them being loaded with multiples of 20 sheet, enveloped batches of toilet paper instead of paper cash, and converted to ATPMs. A simple keypad transaction is all that is needed now for the release of a modest amount of the valuable toilet paper to take place.

Just as cash withdrawals are restricted and controlled, so it is with the dispensing of the toilet paper. ATM's are easy to find, secure, open 24/7, and facilitate the current need for social distancing. The other big advantage is that the supplies are paid for directly from the customer's account, in exactly the same way as cash currently is.

Packs of deluxe extra soft tissue naturally cost a little more, but the ATPM can offer that as an option for a modest extra charge.
-- xenzag, Mar 27 2020

Advanced TurboProp https://en.wikipedi...itish_Aerospace_ATP
Insert card, enter PIN .... [8th of 7, Mar 27 2020]

excellent!
-- 21 Quest, Mar 27 2020


With 1.5 trillion new dollars given straight to wealthy bankers this is rapidly becoming baked.
-- Voice, Mar 27 2020


Genius
-- pocmloc, Mar 27 2020


I've read Adenosine triphosphate... Machine.

Realistically, I see just a few issues with this:

1) How does ATPM ensure that the newly issued toilet paper odes not get contaminated with fingerprints and grease of buyers?

2) How much does it cost?
-- Mindey, Mar 27 2020


Could there be an ATPM that dispenses Advanced TurboProp aircraft ?

<link>

// wealthy bankers //

Is that a Spoonerism or a pun or something... ?
-- 8th of 7, Mar 27 2020


I'll take an MC-130J, thanks.
-- 21 Quest, Mar 27 2020


//1.5 trillion new dollars given straight to wealthy bankers// Since money floats up, and becomes more sticky at the top, don't governments have a moral duty to stick the money in at the lowest position possible?
-- wjt, Mar 28 2020


They put another .5 trillion down low to distract the peasantry.
-- Voice, Mar 28 2020


// to stick the money in at the lowest position possible? //

You know, [wjt], your phraseology is somtimes more than a trifle idiosyncratic, but with that, you have achieved a sort of serendipitous glory that most can only aspire to.

Admittedly it conjures up a somewhat crude image, like a perverted form of lap-dancing, but very, very funny.
-- 8th of 7, Mar 28 2020


<goes to ATPM> Oh My God! I’ve been wiped out!
-- AusCan531, Mar 28 2020


Alternatively, you could request your bills in Rial notes, and you can wipe with those.
-- RayfordSteele, Mar 30 2020



random, halfbakery