Option package that should be made available to BMW and Audi customers...
Of course, federal restrictions prevent some of the really cool devices from working as they were intended to, so they have been modified for use in the US:
Smoke Screen (actually dumps 5 pound bag of flour from rear of car) Oil Slick (also deploys kitty litter, and calls HazMat if needed) Rocket Launcher (due to federal restrictions on explosive powder content, now comes equipped with DOT Class "C" Moon Traveller rockets) Tire poppers (they're just jacks) High Output Engine (still includes catalytic converter, meets California Emissions requirements) Rotating Multiple License Plates (Ohio residents- includes front and rear plate) Extendable tire slashers (blade does not exceed 4 inches) Alpine In-Dash everything radio- includes computer, GPS, color printer, hi-res LCD panel, connection to Interpol, and even plays CDs (requires 3 year subscription to XM satellite service)-- Mr Burns, Jun 26 2002 (?) Dwarf bread www.co.uk.lspace.or...fifth-elephant.htmlSee Terry Pratchett' "Discworld" books for more infomation on bread based weaponry. [8th of 7, Jun 27 2002] I forgot: Front and rear machine guns (10 round clip, thanks brady bill)-- Mr Burns, Jun 26 2002 Sorry, [blissmiss], but Mr. Brosnan is not one of the options available in this year's model. But the deluxe package for next year's model does include a cardboard cutout of Mr. Connery.-- BigBrother, Jun 26 2002 what about the martini dispenser? (non-alcoholic of course)-- rbl, Jun 26 2002 How about the security system options? I want the ejection seat for unwanted passengers (now a broken spring poking through the seat cushion) and the explosive tamper prevention system, which is now a string of firecrackers.-- BigBrother, Jun 26 2002 Why just Audi and BMW ? The original Bond gadget car was an Aston martin, and he's subsequently used a Lotus and several others ....
"Safe and sane" 007 devices just don't have that cert ain something. You're not going to attract a Bond Girl with an environmentally friendly oil slick, or a low-lethality anti-personnel weapon. Bond Girls are nothing if not politically incorrect. And "Q" must be spinning in his grave, poor old chap. (Desmond Llewellyn; all honour to him, may he rest in peace).-- 8th of 7, Jun 26 2002 8th: Still tired... couldn't think of the other models.. ideas seem better before consciousness fully sets in..
Hey, if the car is sold in Michigan, the only options available would be sparkler distress beacons and pop-pop land mine dispensers...-- Mr Burns, Jun 26 2002 The original Bond car was of course the Lincoln, as it says in the books. I don't where the film makers got the idea to use a Rolls Royce Silver Ghost, and so forth. Q wasn't even in the books...-- [ sctld ], Jun 26 2002 Ahh, yes, Croissant! Don't forget the passenger ejection seat.-- dag, Jun 26 2002 James Bond is back in an Aston for the next film. And bloody right too. None of this poncing around in BMW's, even if the one in the previous film does look gorgeous-- kaz, Jun 26 2002 Pretty sure that the Bond car rule goes like this:
Bond drives whatever car that the movie studio decides will make them the most money in product placement contracts..-- Mr Burns, Jun 26 2002 [ sctld ], I thought Bond's original car was the supercharged Bentley. He certainly used it in Moonraker. In Goldfinger it was an Aston Martin DB2. Doctor No was set in the Caribbean, and he had a rental Peugeot, or something. (Not that I'm an expert.)-- angel, Jun 27 2002 They changed the car for the original film, //Casino Royal(e?)//, from the books, where it was always a Lincoln. I can't remember the model though.-- [ sctld ], Jun 27 2002 Oh, OK. I was referring to the books.-- angel, Jun 27 2002 product placement! pah! Bond should always drive British, of course that technically means he should be in a Morgan Aero8 or something.-- kaz, Jun 27 2002 Or possibly a Lotus.-- kaz, Jun 27 2002 UnaBubba: I've never come across exploding croissants, but I have had personal encounters with the terrifying British Caledonian Ninja Throwing Croissant. On the surface, it looks pretty much like the average french breakfast roll, but on close examination, it has the surface characteristics of case-hardened titanium. The plastic cutlery is useless against it. I tried to cut into mine using the saw blade in my Leatherman, at which point it shattered, peppering the passengers around me with lethal, sharp-edged fragments, and slashing nearby upholstered seating down to the frame. I myself sustained a number of deep but non life threatening lacerations. Fortuantely I was wearing glasses, or I could have lost my sight.
If someone threatened me with one of those things I would put up my hands and surrender ....-- 8th of 7, Jun 27 2002 UnaBubba: These were used against a group of captive civilians on the North Atlantic run, which contravenes just about every article of the Geneva Conventions. They could well have been WW2 surplus, but I don't think anti-personnel baking was quite that advanced in that era - the standard armament of Allied ground troops in WW2 was the notorious British Meat and Potato pie, which was nearly as dangerous to the user as the target. Incidentally, it was this pie which was eventually evolved by Porton Down into the sinister British Rail Pork Pie, the first consumer product to have a 22,500 year shelf life. Many veterans still shudder openly at the glimpse of a piece of glazed brown crust, seen though a smeared perspex cover. They were banned as part of the Strategic Arms Limitation Treaties in the 70's, although stockpiles may still exist.
You may be right about that Japanese link. It's well known that at the end of WW2, the US "imported" a number of senior Japanese military scientists, and they could have brought their cooks with them, and the French have had a long term colonial presence in Indo-China. A secret joint Franco-American Cold War project, based on Japanese know-how, could well have resulted in the end product I observed. I'm only assuming that the catering was loaded at Gatwick; it might have been put on board (by Men In Black, of course) at the US end.
I'm not sure that they contained any toxic, bio-active, or radioactive components; their primary method of action seemed to be by fragmentation, the unfortunate victims subsequently expiring either from blood loss, or malnutrition. But there may be some commonality of design with the BaE JP-233 runway disruption device.
I am now considering the possible link between these Croissants and the SAS "Nasty Bun", a sort of non-lethal riot-control foodstuff used to pacify passengers on the Stockholm - Copenhagen run. On initial inspection it looks a lot like a regular wholemeal bap, but if you bit into it you soon discover it is in fact a synthetic bath sponge, painted brown and filled with warm cat sick. It's hard to ehibit the symptoms of Air Rage when you've got your head down an airline bog.
I am glad to see that at least the Scadinavians have tried to develop a non-lethal option.
What next from Saddam and Osama, I wonder ...-- 8th of 7, Jun 27 2002 [kaz] Lotus are owned by Ford or someone like that now. James Bond should drive a TVR. Didn't he drive a 2CV in one film?-- hippo, Jun 27 2002 WTCTTISITMWIBNI...-- RayfordSteele, Jun 27 2002 Built-in parasail = umbrella Ejection seat = seat with lumbar adjustment Submirsible capability = snorkle drilled through the roof Bullet-proof glass = tinted windows HalfBaked idea = croissant-- phoenix, Jun 27 2002 [hippo] Nah its Aston that are owned by Ford, Lotus are still british. Bond should drive a TVR though, that'd be cool.-- kaz, Jun 27 2002 All this talk of lethal buns got me to thinkin..
In the late 1950's, US defense forces assembled a crack team of scientists to develop the most toxic of all buns.. They succeded. The result was a bun so dangerous, so destructive, they had to build a giant white porcelain castle just to protect the public from exposure. They called it.... the "White Castle" bun.
Combined with the highly noxious meat-type product, the White Castle bun does indeed pose a threat to our nation's security.
If accidentally swallowed, induce vomiting immediately (although it will usually induce itself within a few minutes)
Known effects from accidental ingestion include: severe stomach pain, constant explosive poisonous gas attacks attacks, vomiting, chills, dysentery, and occasional drowsiness.
If you see one of the elusive "White Castle" buildings, beware! It is pure evil...
(East Coast US only)-- Mr Burns, Jun 28 2002 [kaz]: Sorry to argue, but Lotus are owned by either Ford or Vauxhall (= GM), though I can't remember which. Suspect it may be Vauxhall, as the VX220 is the Lotus Elise in a skin.-- angel, Jun 28 2002 White Castle rocks.-- phoenix, Jun 28 2002 Noooooooooo!!!! this shatters my illusion of the Elise being the bestest little english sports car out there. Oh well life goes on.-- kaz, Jun 30 2002 Wasn't White Castle started up in Ohio (Columbus?)? Hardly East coast. If not started up there, I distinctly remember there being at least one alongside a highway just west of Cleveland.-- binkley, Aug 23 2002 Columbus is far enough east for me to consider it east coast. I guess it's all relative to location. I don't think I need to mention the whole KFC thing again.-- AfroAssault, Aug 24 2002 I think the Bond car should be a 1973 chevy Nova 4 door with a 6 cyl. motor and cloth seats (bench).-- jimk, Sep 03 2002 Lotus shocker - actually they're owned by Proton !! (Of which GM owns a large share) Ford owns Aston, Landrover and Jaguar , VW owns Bentley, and BMW owns Rolls-Royce. So if Mishter Bond is to drive British, he could choose a TVR, a Morgan or a London taxi (As Reliant have just recently passed away...) I reckon a taxi would be cool - as for the gadgetry , they are already kitted out with an old running shoe dropper -hence the reason why you often see just one running shoe in the gutter or at the side of the Motorway.-- elvisfan, Sep 10 2002 random, halfbakery