h a l f b a k e r yBite me.
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Tie long lengths of string to each individual piece of your clothing. Tie the other end of the strings to individual arrows. Press play on your cassette player and begin dancing provocatively in front of your partner or guest. Taking a large bow shoot an arrow across the street as far as you can and
be prepared as it tears an article of clothing from your body.
Continue until naked or neighbours complain.
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//be prepared as it tears an article of clothing from your body// - or alternatively, reaches the end of the string and jerks back in your general direction, impaling either you or your partner. |
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yes this is a very real concern, but if the string is properly measured, clothing can easily be removed with little or no injury to either you or your guests. |
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You could remove the lot in one go if you shot all the arrows at once, kind of like that scene in "Robin Hood: Men in Tights". |
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”I knew she was serious when I saw that the last arrow was tied to her tampon.” |
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It was only a matter of time before someone when there, [FJ]. |
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Visions of Marion making all the men merry. |
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My father used to remove teeth this way. Any of us had a loose tooth, we knew better than to mention it. But he’d find out anyway. In the early days, he’d tie the string to a doorknob, and we’d wait for someone to open the door. Oh the agony of waiting! But then he had the brilliant idea of using an arrow. Twang, and the tooth would go flying from your mouth. At least until that day he roped the wrong tooth—a good one—and it didn’t come out. And that arrow boomeranged back at him... |
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That's a good idea - use a boomerang. |
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//Press play on your cassette player //
This is just soooooo twentieth century. Get with the times, man. |
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// This is just soooooo twentieth century. Get with the times, man // |
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I don't know. Candlelight is also ancient, but it's way more romantic than a halogen lit dinner. |
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//I don't know. Candlelight is also ancient, but it's way more romantic than a halogen lit dinner.// |
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Yes, but with candles you can't ask, "Would you like wine with your unhealthy pallor?" |
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For stubborn items of clothing, like a pair of jeans, you could fire the arrow into the back of a passing bus. |
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I fear the one industrial strength thread that garrotes my leg... |
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Cupid eat your heart out. |
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It would be dangerous to live across from a brothel that specializes in this..."Their at it again! I was taking the dog for a walk and just as he was getting ready to do his business he took an arrow and a push up bra right to the heart!" |
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I think the setup would have to include that tearaway-type clothing you see on comedies. |
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The best romantic lighting is red neon. It makes everyone's complexion perfect. |
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In that case I propose that a range trilby hats be made with a small, red neon lamp tucked under the rim. Warning - may be hard on the wearer's eyes. |
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For that go-anywhere brothel look. |
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I fear the strings becoming tangled.
Depending on the mass of the arrow
and the degree of entanglement, I think
you could have some quite nasty
effects...fingers sliced off, et cetera. |
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Place apple on son's head. Tie apple to string. Shoot arrow in opposite direction. If only William Tell had the foresight. |
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Leaving the unsex salon, the dyslectic felt quite important after being emaciated. |
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