h a l f b a k e r yThe embarrassing drunkard uncle of invention.
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I'm surprised this hasn't been halfbaked already but I couldn't find it so here goes.
The Inebriator consists of an IV drip with an adjustable valve, containing a mixture of ethanol and glucose solution or saline, attached to one arm, an alcometer attached to the other, and a control unit. Set the
desired blood alcohol level (up to a certain, sub-lethal, limit), and go. The closed regulation loop gently raises your blood level to the preset value and then maintains it for the duration (also limited, and with a limit on the total amount of alcohol administered this way). Bear in mind that, since the alcohol level can only be increased this way, and not decreased, you shouldn't drink any alcoholic beverages while using the Inebriator.
What's the point? Well, let's face it, the main point of alcoholic beverages is the alcohol. While a lot of people like alcoholic drinks for the taste, aroma, the ritual, tradition, a lot of people drink mainly to get tipsy. Not necessarily drunk. They need some liquid courage, they need some spirits to lift their spirits, as it were; they want the buzz, odd liquid in funny glasses notwithstanding. But consuming alcohol is no exact science, and coupled with the bad judgement alcohol already consumed brings, inebriation shoots way over "buzz", and into weird unwanted, loud, obnoxious, embarrassing territories of blind drunk. The Inebriator would - by limiting the input - just maintain the user at a level of, to quote Wikipedia, "Mild euphoria / Sense of well-being / Relaxation / Talkativeness / Joyous / Decreased inhibition", which is what most of the second group want from their drink.
[Alcohol-consumption-related disclaimers go here.]
A Caffeinator is also available.
Closed loop regulation
http://en.wikipedia...wiki/Control_theory
Why the alcometer is crucial. [Veho, Mar 14 2009]
Interesting usage
http://www.smh.com..../1191695979288.html
[theleopard, Mar 17 2009]
best to just stick to the beer hat...
http://www.zymetric...ucts/beerhelmet.jpg
[xandram, Mar 17 2009]
[link]
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I don't drink, never have and could not explain why.
From time to time I feel like I am missing out on a universe of experience. |
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Knowing where to start is a tough spot
The Inebriator would help me and people like me.+ |
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[blis], those are the people from the first group I mentioned. Those who actually like the beverage, and (probably) know how to pace themselves, and who are probably the majority. The Inebriator is aimed at the second group, who would rather be sipping a soda while experiencing the effect of, say, exactly three beers, which is notoriously difficult to keep constant, left to one's own devices (i.e., a keg, some rules fo thumb, and "drunk? Who? Me? I'm not under the affect of illcohollllwhatsoev'r, ill'aveyouknow"). |
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A device that could filter/eliminate excess blood alcohol to maintain a constant level (and could/should be used by everyone) is impossible at the moment, unfortunately. Adding that to my idea would probably end in "marked for deletion: magic" or some such. As is, the Inebriator has a seriously limited target audience and I can see where people would misunderstand the idea. |
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Heh sorry I did say I was leaving in a rush didn't I? |
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Barney: [during his acceptance speech] I've learned that I have a gift to share with the world. From now on, I'll be a new Barnard Gumbel; clean, sober, and hardworking. |
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Mayor Quimby: Congratulations, Barney, and enjoy your prize - a lifetime supply of Duff Beer.
[the curtains pull back to reveal a Duff Beer tanker truck] |
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Barney: Just hook it to my veins!
[the truck driver prepares an I.V] |
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//not a good idea to hook yourself up to an IV// |
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That's what they make these for:
http://tinyurl.com/8wt2dc |
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Steve-O of Jackass fame did this with vodka in the drip. |
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<thick Austrian accent> "I'll be back - for more" </taa> |
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//Steve-O of Jackass fame did this with vodka in the drip//
The inner sleeve photos for the Fleetwood Mac album "Rumours" showed Mick Fleetwood hooked to an improvised IV, with the booze bottle hanging from a guitar stand. |
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I once had the experience of getting quite tipsy whilst sat in a lab were an alcohol cooling bath had sprung a leak. I find breathing in vapour much preferable to a puncture in the arm, and old grape product even more so, so [-]. |
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